"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter May/June 2006
These days we are able to choose when we want to start parenthood. Often we may have ventured quite a way from our hometown and so when we start our own family, we may find we aren't surrounded by our extended family. Not only that, our friends may be at different life stages as well as also living in different cities.
This is the exact boat hubby and I found ourselves in. We'd been in Nelson for three years. Although we'd met a few people in our time here, we didn't have any close friends or family around. It was one of the reasons we signed up with the Parent Center - so we could start a support network. And I had heard that a coffee group typically started up from the antenatal class.
Sure enough just a week or two after our last antenatal class finished, a couple from our class hosted our first get-together. A year on us mums still meet up every second Tuesday, the dads have the occasional beer and we have get-togethers for all of us every now and then.
It was at these coffee groups that I found the missing piece to my life somewhat - women going through the same life change I was. Perhaps we aren't bosom buddies just yet, as they are still very new friendships, but I feel I have a very special bond with them all. And that was certainly apparent at our combined 1st birthday party held in early April. Things were kept simple with a cake. It was a real celebration of our 1st year of parenthood, acknowledging how far we and our babies have come in that first year.
On a deep level I do feel as though I have graduated in a sense. Mummyhood still comes with its challenges. But the chaos and uncertainty that filled the first year has greatly diminished. Hubby and I have our evenings back! We have made the psychological move from two to three. It is no longer a big deal shuffling life around our addition.The thing is parenthood isn't something that you can be greatly prepared for. Not on an emotional level anyway. Physically you can decorate the nursery to your heart's content, and apply for maternity leave or whatever it is you need to do to make some financial preparations. But no one can prepare you for the mental shifts, the highs and lows and the general overhaul most of us go through during this rite of passage known as the first year of parenthood.
All I heard in the wings were dire warnings right from the start. About sleep. Losing your life as you knew it forever. And how with each change within baby's first year, MORE ominous warnings were issued:
1. Before baby arrives “Your time won't be your own.”
2.Once baby arrives “It only gets better.”
3.Once baby gets mobile “It only gets worse.”
4. When baby is almost mobile “Bet you can't wait til she walks.”
5. When baby starts walking “You'll wish she never started.”
Not a lot of us want advice when we go into parenthood. Yet at the same time, we don't often want to go in completely flying blind. So we go to antenatal classes, read some books and observe others from the sidelines making our own conclusions as to what we might be in for.
I was pretty lucky in the advice department. I didn't get a lot thrown my way. The advice I got that proved to be invaluable was sleeping/resting when your baby does. It helped my sanity in those early days of motherhood. And I still apply it to this day!
And some personal gems I've discovered myself for the new parent:
1. You don't have to be perfect.
2. You ARE a great mum (or dad).
3. Love is the best thing you can give your baby.
4. Don't be swayed by marketers that insist you need this and that to make your baby sleep/roll/sit/stand/crawl/walk/poo/fart.
5. Crying It Out is NOT the only way to get a baby to sleep. Don't feel pressured to use this method if it makes you uncomfortable!
6.How you parent your baby is your business and your business alone.
7.Don't feel less than because your baby doesn't sleep through the night. Whatever age your baby is!!
Just as no one can prepare the new parent for how hard and tiring parenting can be; the flip side is no one can explain how amazing it is either. I wouldn't change my first year of mummyhood for the world.
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