Voices, The Nelson Mail , 17 September 2005
The scary, unknown territory of childbirth that awaits the mum-to-be.
As a first time mum impending childbirth came with a huge question mark. A few months off from my due date I was asked "Has anyone ever told you that it hurts like hell?" Um, yes, I had grasped that much - thanks…
Women birthing on screen tend to pant for a few minutes on a hospital bed, push once and go a bit red. Next the baby slides effortlessly into the doctor's arms. After a few WAAAHS! a somewhat disheveled mum rocks her newborn in her arms, with the obligatory tear in her eye.
In contrast my antenatal class showed videos of women writhing in pain, omitting scary animal-like sounds, and clinging to their support person with clenched fists. Parts of the female anatomy were without a doubt stretched to full capacity. Ouch. It did look like it hurt. A LOT.
With such varying portrayals of childbirth I remained somewhat confused and nervous as to what was ahead for me.
I discovered that mums fell into three categories as far as disclosing their birth experiences went:
1. The Spare No Detail Type - they were bursting at the seams with their labouring tales, sharing frightfully gory details.
2. The I Daren't Speak Up Type - their mouths remained tightly zipped like they daren't utter a word JUST in case the awful truth spilled out.
3. The I'll Just Tell You The Good Bits Type - they shared the warm fuzzy aspects only. The thoughtfully edited version, it was a safe refuge for this mum-to-be.
And just when I'd thought I'd heard it all someone would come out with one of those friend-of-a-friends birth stories that had been exaggerated several times - I hoped.
I read up about the pain relief options. I went to antenatal yoga classes, swam lengths and walked everyday. I even witnessed a friend's drug-free home birth.
Turns out my baby's life was at risk when it was decided I should have an emergency c-section. My baby girl did arrive safely into the world and I remain eternally grateful to all the medical staff who saved the day as such. No amount of preempting can prepare you for the unknown.
Despite how natural and frequent childbirth actually is, it still remains somewhat of a mystery. The birth you expected you'd have (even if you thought you had no expectations - you have them - no matter how small they are), is not the birth you will have. Childbirth rocked my world in more ways than I could have ever imagined. It is the aftermath of childbirth that is often not discussed. Women aren't prepared for the emotional collapse that commonly follows childbirth.
I now understand why women tend to vary so much as far as sharing their accounts of childbirth goes. For some perhaps they never got the chance to debrief after their birthing experience and so talking about it at any given opportunity years down the track is a form of healing. Those who hold their experience close to their hearts may still be dealing with it quietly, in their own way. And the ones who attempt to be PC about it all perhaps don't want to scare mums-to-be from what is one of the most amazing experiences of a woman's life - even if it doesn't go as planned.
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