The value of coffee groups

"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter January/February 2008

One of the main reasons I chose to do antenatal classes at the Parent Centre is because I had heard that coffee groups usually formed as a result of the classes. I'd also heard that coffee groups were a positive form of support for new Mums.

Sure enough, as our antenatal classes came to an end, our names and numbers were circulated by the coordinator. Most of our coffee group carried on to do the Mums and Bubs and Moving and Munching classes and we acquired a couple of extras from the latter class too. I became the group coordinator at this point in time for our coffee group.

We started off by meeting up weekly either at a cafe or at someone's house. In the early days most of us made it to the group and I know I valued the regularity of such a group. In fact, in the first six months of my daughters life, it was the only group we went to. It was an excellent initiation into the strange and exciting new world of socialising as a Mum.

Most of our coffee group members are from out of Nelson and many initially wanted to make new friends in the same boat. Tears, laughter and many exchanges about parenting newborns and then babies, toddlers and now preschoolers have been made over the months. It was great in the beginning just to have a place to hang with other Mums who I could check in with on a regular basis.

When Amelia was six months I recognised that both she and I needed to expand our social circle and we started going to Playgroup and music classes. Over time our coffee group meeting times dwindled – from once a week, to every two weeks, to once a month, once every two months and now very sporadically – whenever someone gets around to organising a get-together. Second babies, mums going back to work, childcare and other activities the kids were attending affected the regularity of our meeting times.

It is a weird dynamic in a way being thrown together with a group of women who have nothing in common but babies who were born around the same time. Although I am fond of our coffee group and the beginning days hold a special place in my heart, I think eventually we outgrew one another and the need to meet up frequently. Our coffee group has paired off and so most of us found at least a friend from the group.

My husband and I started doing babysitting swaps with another family from our coffee group which has worked out really well. We've been looking after each others children, in a playdate situation for almost eighteen months. Neither of us have family in town and so the exchange has always been valued. It has been great watching our children's playdates evolve into friendship and we've acquired genuine friendships ourselves.

I think coffee groups are an excellent starting point for new Mums. And Dads – it gives them support too when groups meet up with the whole family or maybe Dads go out for a drink together. I've heard stories of coffee groups becoming close and meeting up for years down the track. I'm not sure our group is one of those but we have thus far got together to celebrate the first and second birthdays of our kids - and next year we will hopefully celebrate our preschoolers third birthdays together.

Tis The Season To Be Jolly

"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter November/December 2007

One of the things a lot of us look forward to as parents is celebrating Christmas with our children. No doubt it's a combination of our own positive childhood Christmas memories and a natural want to share the goodwill of the season with our off-spring.

This Christmas may be the Christmas that Amelia actually “gets” what the season is all about – or at least, the gift-receiving side of it. She'll be two and three-quarters this Christmas – no doubt the “all about me” syndrome will have really kicked in by then!

Amelia was nine months old when she celebrated her first Christmas. Back then it was all about grabbing bits of tinsel and shiny round balls. There was a bit of competition between her and the cat to see who could pull the most decorations off the tree.

Amelia was twenty one months old for her second Christmas. A little over a year and a half, the present-opening side of it was starting to look interesting. We spent that Christmas with family in Auckland and after watching the older children rip open their prezzies; Amelia soon cottoned on to what all the fuss was about. Three under fours opening prezzies in a frenzied rush was a good hour or so of over-stimulation.

Christmas is a great opportunity to teach little ones about the art of gift-giving. This year I plan to make little bundles of homemade goodies to give away to friends and neighbours. I've been meaning to do this for several Christmases and am always touched when others do something similar. The lesson that the spirit of Christmas can be simple is a great message for children – and adults.

A couple of weeks before Christmas we are heading to the Coromandel for a week or so for a family wedding. We are flying this year after a bad sailing crossing the Strait last Christmas. Yes, that bad. Our ferry was running late and just half an hour into our sailing passengers were dished out ice-cubes in cups to suck and warned about what-was-to-come. A half hour or so into the Strait, where the waves were so rough that the decks were closed off, Amelia started throwing up. I don't think many kids on that sailing weren't sick. The state of the family room at the end of the sailing looked like a scene from a drunken students rampage. Parents had either been sick themselves or were covered in their own children's vomit.

So when we arrived in Wellington, recking of vomit and desperate for a shower we pledged back then that next time we travelled, we would fly. Of course we still had the return sailing to take back to Picton. Luckily for us it was a calm day. The only hazard was running around after a 21-month year old for almost three hours. We were knackered at the end of it! Again, we pledged to take the plane for our next trip away.

We haven't travelled greatly with our two and a half year old. Our biggest trip away so far has been to Sydney last February. There is nothing like traveling with a littlie to realise firstly how limiting traveling with a child can be but secondly how possible it is, once you are geared towards it. We stayed at a B&B in Cronulla which was just perfect for somewhere to escape the hot aussie sun and to come back for naps. It was just a few minutes walk to the beach so we took Amelia for a few swims in the salt baths there. And we went for long walks along the esplanade.

I'm looking forward to exploring somewhere different again with Amelia this December as we head to the Coromandel. It is certainly good for the whole family having a change of scene and exploring somewhere new together. A chance to connect as a family outside of the home and to create some cherished holiday memories.

Happy Holidays to everyone out there!

Spring : a confused season

It is Spring in New Zealand. The time of year we all look forward to after a long, cold Winter. Typically the afternoons are windy, the mountains often snow-capped this time of year in Nelson. The best bit is the days are bathed in glorious sunshine here at the Top of the South. It's a confirmation that despite the sunshine wages and the high cost of housing, living in a location with almost guaranteed sunshine does indeed put a smile on your dial. When the sun is out, that is.

This Spring there has been a fair amount of rain to add to the mix. The whole country has been affected and Nelson has gotten off lightly. The rain has been tolerated, but not enjoyed. Nelsonians have trotted out when the sun has come out for a fix whenever possible - just in case there's another downpour. Our faith in endless days of warm weather is wavering. The other day I put three loads of washing out on the line only to bring them in when the sky turned suspiciously grey. I'd been caught once already this Spring and was on to it - I thought. However the grey sky passed and so out went the laundry again only to have raindrops from literally out of the blue (sky) fall. In went the the laundry, only to go out again the following morning when it finally dried. Normally Spring-time is the time laundry dries in hours as it is whipped around in the wind and blasted with sunshine. Not this Spring with it's intermittent rain-drops.

For the fashion conscious, Spring contradicts itself somewhat. On one hand it is time to strip off a layer or two. But on the other hand it's not quite Summer, so it's questionable as to how far one should go. And with the rain-drops not been too far away this season, often umbrellas and other wet-weather gear get carted around. Underneath my daughter's buggy resembles a bag ladies wardrobe what with a mix of several seasons of clothing shoved below for her and I, just in case the weather should turn.

Out and about on a sunny Spring day, it is often quite amusing observing how this change of season is interpreted by others.

Some, with the first burst of warmer weather decide to skip Spring and to jump head first into Summer. Teens are the typical lets-just-skip-Spring advocates. With their bare limbs and minimal clothing; it is easy to think it is in fact Summer. But when you see for yourself the snow on the hills while walking on Tahuna beach, and shiver visibly, you can only conclude two things: that youth are thick-skinned and/or youth would rather freeze than miss out on an opportunity to walk around in minimal clothing.

Then there are the seasonally confused. Not sure whether to wear Summer or Winter clothing; they end up mixing two wardrobes. The result: clothes that just don't match. Or some take a gamble and decide it is more of a Summer day than a Winter day today and stroll around in the latest Spring fashion in the morning, only having to cover it up in the afternoon with a hefty Winter's jacket when the wind picks up. Or vice versa, the safe approach of dressing warm is chosen only to find that one is completely overcooked midday on a twenty-something degree day in thick woollen socks and a winter jumper.

Layering is a popular option for Spring-time in Nelson. And the safest way to go. Cardies, sweatshirts and jackets are all great ways of covering up when that sunny Spring weather isn't quite warm enough to reveal your fantastic new Spring wardrobe. Just don't forget your umbrella as it seems to be a necessary part of the Spring wardrobe this year.