Feeding small minds

"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter March/April 2008

Education in the formative years is all about play. Luckily I have always been a child at heart so play isn't something I find hard to do. However I realised early on that I wasn't going to be enough to keep my girl stimulated and started taking Amelia to the Playgroup at the Tahunanui Community Centre at the age of six months. She is almost three so has been going for two and a half years, twice a week for up to two hours a time.

It has been the most amazing place for both myself and Amelia. It is an excellent stepping stone to either Kindy or preschool as young tots are exposed to a wide array of play areas (over twenty) to fuel their sponge-like minds as well as the opportunity to socialise with children in the birth to four age range. Amelia will be starting afternoon Kindy this year and I am confident she will be ready as her time at Playgroup has been such a positive time of learning for her.

Amelia has also been going to Tots 'n Tunes at St Stephens church in Tahunanui for two and a half years. It has been incredibly rewarding watching her grow from an anxious six month old to a confident preschooler who now knows many of the songs and actions.

Amelia has also had swimming lessons for over a year. We've also done two terms of gymnastics. Any class with children in it has to be a positive thing. They learn so much from following instruction and taking social cues off other children. Not to mention they have a ball. It is crucial, I would say, that education for the preschooler is centred around fun.

Weekly playdates are also on the agenda and the one-on-one time has been an important aspect of Amelia's social development. Concepts such as sharing and playing nice are able to be taught a little easier with just two children rather than in a group.

All parents have the overwhelming responsibility to make sure our children are stimulated across the spectrum. And us at-home Mums have the added pressure of orchestrating interesting activities for our children often seven days of the week.

Earlier today I created several lists to encourage my husband and myself to shake things up a bit at home. They include “physical fun at home”, “physical adventures outside of the home”, “ideas for socialising”, “indoor quiet play”, and “indoor active play.” Most of the ideas listed have been tried and tested by many a Mum, so aren't highly original. But somehow starting the lists has inspired me to think of some new ideas. It was an affirmation that Amelia is getting her needs met at home but we could certainly do more – and have some fun at the same time!

It is easy to get stuck in the same old patterns and then to wonder why your preschooler is mooching around the house. I've just clicked recently that being an at-home Mum can be as creative a job as I want it to be. So now I have these lists started, I hope to move from average to great Mum status. I want to look back at these precious preschool years and know I really did the best I could with Amelia. It is easy to think that our children can only be stimulated in an educational setting but I don't think that's true. They certainly need to socialise with other children. Yet there is plenty we can do as parents to keep our children fresh and interested – it just involves thinking outside the square a little.

Learned behaviour is big with children and as parents we are modeling life as we know it to our children.

What are we teaching our children about marriage/love, family, nutrition, self-care, self-love? Do we eat well, love ourselves and demonstrate we care deeply about our nearest and dearest? What about finances? Are we living within our means? And our addictions? Are they in front of our children's faces demonstrating that they are acceptable to us and therefore acceptable to them? Do we follow our dreams and live passionate lives or have we given in and settled with our lot?

It's important to teach our children family values. Seated dinners every night have taught Amelia that eating nutritious food together every evening is a time for companionship and fun. We tag-team a lot as parents during the week so I personally love the fact that there is this one time in the day when I know we'll all be together.

There is nothing like the words of an almost three year old coming back at you to confirm that you are on the right – or wrong track. It was so pleasing to hear my daughter politely ask for an icecream the other day “Yes, please mummy” she said when I asked if she wanted one, “Thanks, mummy” when it was handed to her followed by a “delicious” when we sat down in a civilised manner in the icecream palour.

Then there are the words, although not bad, that make me cringe upon hearing them parrotted back such as “for goodness sakes!” whenever it appears I might be frustrated about something. There is no doubt that modeling is the most powerful form of learning for a young child's mind.

What a hard job it is to be a parent with those little watchful eyes taking in everything we do - no-one is perfect. I'm certainly not. I'm well aware my daughter in her short life has been exposed to many of my human flaws. But there's always room for improvement.

The value of coffee groups

"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter January/February 2008

One of the main reasons I chose to do antenatal classes at the Parent Centre is because I had heard that coffee groups usually formed as a result of the classes. I'd also heard that coffee groups were a positive form of support for new Mums.

Sure enough, as our antenatal classes came to an end, our names and numbers were circulated by the coordinator. Most of our coffee group carried on to do the Mums and Bubs and Moving and Munching classes and we acquired a couple of extras from the latter class too. I became the group coordinator at this point in time for our coffee group.

We started off by meeting up weekly either at a cafe or at someone's house. In the early days most of us made it to the group and I know I valued the regularity of such a group. In fact, in the first six months of my daughters life, it was the only group we went to. It was an excellent initiation into the strange and exciting new world of socialising as a Mum.

Most of our coffee group members are from out of Nelson and many initially wanted to make new friends in the same boat. Tears, laughter and many exchanges about parenting newborns and then babies, toddlers and now preschoolers have been made over the months. It was great in the beginning just to have a place to hang with other Mums who I could check in with on a regular basis.

When Amelia was six months I recognised that both she and I needed to expand our social circle and we started going to Playgroup and music classes. Over time our coffee group meeting times dwindled – from once a week, to every two weeks, to once a month, once every two months and now very sporadically – whenever someone gets around to organising a get-together. Second babies, mums going back to work, childcare and other activities the kids were attending affected the regularity of our meeting times.

It is a weird dynamic in a way being thrown together with a group of women who have nothing in common but babies who were born around the same time. Although I am fond of our coffee group and the beginning days hold a special place in my heart, I think eventually we outgrew one another and the need to meet up frequently. Our coffee group has paired off and so most of us found at least a friend from the group.

My husband and I started doing babysitting swaps with another family from our coffee group which has worked out really well. We've been looking after each others children, in a playdate situation for almost eighteen months. Neither of us have family in town and so the exchange has always been valued. It has been great watching our children's playdates evolve into friendship and we've acquired genuine friendships ourselves.

I think coffee groups are an excellent starting point for new Mums. And Dads – it gives them support too when groups meet up with the whole family or maybe Dads go out for a drink together. I've heard stories of coffee groups becoming close and meeting up for years down the track. I'm not sure our group is one of those but we have thus far got together to celebrate the first and second birthdays of our kids - and next year we will hopefully celebrate our preschoolers third birthdays together.