"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter March/April 2008
Education in the formative years is all about play. Luckily I have always been a child at heart so play isn't something I find hard to do. However I realised early on that I wasn't going to be enough to keep my girl stimulated and started taking Amelia to the Playgroup at the Tahunanui Community Centre at the age of six months. She is almost three so has been going for two and a half years, twice a week for up to two hours a time.
It has been the most amazing place for both myself and Amelia. It is an excellent stepping stone to either Kindy or preschool as young tots are exposed to a wide array of play areas (over twenty) to fuel their sponge-like minds as well as the opportunity to socialise with children in the birth to four age range. Amelia will be starting afternoon Kindy this year and I am confident she will be ready as her time at Playgroup has been such a positive time of learning for her.
Amelia has also been going to Tots 'n Tunes at St Stephens church in Tahunanui for two and a half years. It has been incredibly rewarding watching her grow from an anxious six month old to a confident preschooler who now knows many of the songs and actions.
Amelia has also had swimming lessons for over a year. We've also done two terms of gymnastics. Any class with children in it has to be a positive thing. They learn so much from following instruction and taking social cues off other children. Not to mention they have a ball. It is crucial, I would say, that education for the preschooler is centred around fun.
Weekly playdates are also on the agenda and the one-on-one time has been an important aspect of Amelia's social development. Concepts such as sharing and playing nice are able to be taught a little easier with just two children rather than in a group.
All parents have the overwhelming responsibility to make sure our children are stimulated across the spectrum. And us at-home Mums have the added pressure of orchestrating interesting activities for our children often seven days of the week.
Earlier today I created several lists to encourage my husband and myself to shake things up a bit at home. They include “physical fun at home”, “physical adventures outside of the home”, “ideas for socialising”, “indoor quiet play”, and “indoor active play.” Most of the ideas listed have been tried and tested by many a Mum, so aren't highly original. But somehow starting the lists has inspired me to think of some new ideas. It was an affirmation that Amelia is getting her needs met at home but we could certainly do more – and have some fun at the same time!
It is easy to get stuck in the same old patterns and then to wonder why your preschooler is mooching around the house. I've just clicked recently that being an at-home Mum can be as creative a job as I want it to be. So now I have these lists started, I hope to move from average to great Mum status. I want to look back at these precious preschool years and know I really did the best I could with Amelia. It is easy to think that our children can only be stimulated in an educational setting but I don't think that's true. They certainly need to socialise with other children. Yet there is plenty we can do as parents to keep our children fresh and interested – it just involves thinking outside the square a little.
Learned behaviour is big with children and as parents we are modeling life as we know it to our children.
What are we teaching our children about marriage/love, family, nutrition, self-care, self-love? Do we eat well, love ourselves and demonstrate we care deeply about our nearest and dearest? What about finances? Are we living within our means? And our addictions? Are they in front of our children's faces demonstrating that they are acceptable to us and therefore acceptable to them? Do we follow our dreams and live passionate lives or have we given in and settled with our lot?
It's important to teach our children family values. Seated dinners every night have taught Amelia that eating nutritious food together every evening is a time for companionship and fun. We tag-team a lot as parents during the week so I personally love the fact that there is this one time in the day when I know we'll all be together.
There is nothing like the words of an almost three year old coming back at you to confirm that you are on the right – or wrong track. It was so pleasing to hear my daughter politely ask for an icecream the other day “Yes, please mummy” she said when I asked if she wanted one, “Thanks, mummy” when it was handed to her followed by a “delicious” when we sat down in a civilised manner in the icecream palour.
Then there are the words, although not bad, that make me cringe upon hearing them parrotted back such as “for goodness sakes!” whenever it appears I might be frustrated about something. There is no doubt that modeling is the most powerful form of learning for a young child's mind.
What a hard job it is to be a parent with those little watchful eyes taking in everything we do - no-one is perfect. I'm certainly not. I'm well aware my daughter in her short life has been exposed to many of my human flaws. But there's always room for improvement.
Showing posts with label Column. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Column. Show all posts
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
The value of coffee groups
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter January/February 2008
One of the main reasons I chose to do antenatal classes at the Parent Centre is because I had heard that coffee groups usually formed as a result of the classes. I'd also heard that coffee groups were a positive form of support for new Mums.
Sure enough, as our antenatal classes came to an end, our names and numbers were circulated by the coordinator. Most of our coffee group carried on to do the Mums and Bubs and Moving and Munching classes and we acquired a couple of extras from the latter class too. I became the group coordinator at this point in time for our coffee group.
We started off by meeting up weekly either at a cafe or at someone's house. In the early days most of us made it to the group and I know I valued the regularity of such a group. In fact, in the first six months of my daughters life, it was the only group we went to. It was an excellent initiation into the strange and exciting new world of socialising as a Mum.
Most of our coffee group members are from out of Nelson and many initially wanted to make new friends in the same boat. Tears, laughter and many exchanges about parenting newborns and then babies, toddlers and now preschoolers have been made over the months. It was great in the beginning just to have a place to hang with other Mums who I could check in with on a regular basis.
When Amelia was six months I recognised that both she and I needed to expand our social circle and we started going to Playgroup and music classes. Over time our coffee group meeting times dwindled – from once a week, to every two weeks, to once a month, once every two months and now very sporadically – whenever someone gets around to organising a get-together. Second babies, mums going back to work, childcare and other activities the kids were attending affected the regularity of our meeting times.
It is a weird dynamic in a way being thrown together with a group of women who have nothing in common but babies who were born around the same time. Although I am fond of our coffee group and the beginning days hold a special place in my heart, I think eventually we outgrew one another and the need to meet up frequently. Our coffee group has paired off and so most of us found at least a friend from the group.
My husband and I started doing babysitting swaps with another family from our coffee group which has worked out really well. We've been looking after each others children, in a playdate situation for almost eighteen months. Neither of us have family in town and so the exchange has always been valued. It has been great watching our children's playdates evolve into friendship and we've acquired genuine friendships ourselves.
I think coffee groups are an excellent starting point for new Mums. And Dads – it gives them support too when groups meet up with the whole family or maybe Dads go out for a drink together. I've heard stories of coffee groups becoming close and meeting up for years down the track. I'm not sure our group is one of those but we have thus far got together to celebrate the first and second birthdays of our kids - and next year we will hopefully celebrate our preschoolers third birthdays together.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter January/February 2008
One of the main reasons I chose to do antenatal classes at the Parent Centre is because I had heard that coffee groups usually formed as a result of the classes. I'd also heard that coffee groups were a positive form of support for new Mums.
Sure enough, as our antenatal classes came to an end, our names and numbers were circulated by the coordinator. Most of our coffee group carried on to do the Mums and Bubs and Moving and Munching classes and we acquired a couple of extras from the latter class too. I became the group coordinator at this point in time for our coffee group.
We started off by meeting up weekly either at a cafe or at someone's house. In the early days most of us made it to the group and I know I valued the regularity of such a group. In fact, in the first six months of my daughters life, it was the only group we went to. It was an excellent initiation into the strange and exciting new world of socialising as a Mum.
Most of our coffee group members are from out of Nelson and many initially wanted to make new friends in the same boat. Tears, laughter and many exchanges about parenting newborns and then babies, toddlers and now preschoolers have been made over the months. It was great in the beginning just to have a place to hang with other Mums who I could check in with on a regular basis.
When Amelia was six months I recognised that both she and I needed to expand our social circle and we started going to Playgroup and music classes. Over time our coffee group meeting times dwindled – from once a week, to every two weeks, to once a month, once every two months and now very sporadically – whenever someone gets around to organising a get-together. Second babies, mums going back to work, childcare and other activities the kids were attending affected the regularity of our meeting times.
It is a weird dynamic in a way being thrown together with a group of women who have nothing in common but babies who were born around the same time. Although I am fond of our coffee group and the beginning days hold a special place in my heart, I think eventually we outgrew one another and the need to meet up frequently. Our coffee group has paired off and so most of us found at least a friend from the group.
My husband and I started doing babysitting swaps with another family from our coffee group which has worked out really well. We've been looking after each others children, in a playdate situation for almost eighteen months. Neither of us have family in town and so the exchange has always been valued. It has been great watching our children's playdates evolve into friendship and we've acquired genuine friendships ourselves.
I think coffee groups are an excellent starting point for new Mums. And Dads – it gives them support too when groups meet up with the whole family or maybe Dads go out for a drink together. I've heard stories of coffee groups becoming close and meeting up for years down the track. I'm not sure our group is one of those but we have thus far got together to celebrate the first and second birthdays of our kids - and next year we will hopefully celebrate our preschoolers third birthdays together.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Tis The Season To Be Jolly
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter November/December 2007
One of the things a lot of us look forward to as parents is celebrating Christmas with our children. No doubt it's a combination of our own positive childhood Christmas memories and a natural want to share the goodwill of the season with our off-spring.
This Christmas may be the Christmas that Amelia actually “gets” what the season is all about – or at least, the gift-receiving side of it. She'll be two and three-quarters this Christmas – no doubt the “all about me” syndrome will have really kicked in by then!
Amelia was nine months old when she celebrated her first Christmas. Back then it was all about grabbing bits of tinsel and shiny round balls. There was a bit of competition between her and the cat to see who could pull the most decorations off the tree.
Amelia was twenty one months old for her second Christmas. A little over a year and a half, the present-opening side of it was starting to look interesting. We spent that Christmas with family in Auckland and after watching the older children rip open their prezzies; Amelia soon cottoned on to what all the fuss was about. Three under fours opening prezzies in a frenzied rush was a good hour or so of over-stimulation.
Christmas is a great opportunity to teach little ones about the art of gift-giving. This year I plan to make little bundles of homemade goodies to give away to friends and neighbours. I've been meaning to do this for several Christmases and am always touched when others do something similar. The lesson that the spirit of Christmas can be simple is a great message for children – and adults.
A couple of weeks before Christmas we are heading to the Coromandel for a week or so for a family wedding. We are flying this year after a bad sailing crossing the Strait last Christmas. Yes, that bad. Our ferry was running late and just half an hour into our sailing passengers were dished out ice-cubes in cups to suck and warned about what-was-to-come. A half hour or so into the Strait, where the waves were so rough that the decks were closed off, Amelia started throwing up. I don't think many kids on that sailing weren't sick. The state of the family room at the end of the sailing looked like a scene from a drunken students rampage. Parents had either been sick themselves or were covered in their own children's vomit.
So when we arrived in Wellington, recking of vomit and desperate for a shower we pledged back then that next time we travelled, we would fly. Of course we still had the return sailing to take back to Picton. Luckily for us it was a calm day. The only hazard was running around after a 21-month year old for almost three hours. We were knackered at the end of it! Again, we pledged to take the plane for our next trip away.
We haven't travelled greatly with our two and a half year old. Our biggest trip away so far has been to Sydney last February. There is nothing like traveling with a littlie to realise firstly how limiting traveling with a child can be but secondly how possible it is, once you are geared towards it. We stayed at a B&B in Cronulla which was just perfect for somewhere to escape the hot aussie sun and to come back for naps. It was just a few minutes walk to the beach so we took Amelia for a few swims in the salt baths there. And we went for long walks along the esplanade.
I'm looking forward to exploring somewhere different again with Amelia this December as we head to the Coromandel. It is certainly good for the whole family having a change of scene and exploring somewhere new together. A chance to connect as a family outside of the home and to create some cherished holiday memories.
Happy Holidays to everyone out there!
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter November/December 2007
One of the things a lot of us look forward to as parents is celebrating Christmas with our children. No doubt it's a combination of our own positive childhood Christmas memories and a natural want to share the goodwill of the season with our off-spring.
This Christmas may be the Christmas that Amelia actually “gets” what the season is all about – or at least, the gift-receiving side of it. She'll be two and three-quarters this Christmas – no doubt the “all about me” syndrome will have really kicked in by then!
Amelia was nine months old when she celebrated her first Christmas. Back then it was all about grabbing bits of tinsel and shiny round balls. There was a bit of competition between her and the cat to see who could pull the most decorations off the tree.
Amelia was twenty one months old for her second Christmas. A little over a year and a half, the present-opening side of it was starting to look interesting. We spent that Christmas with family in Auckland and after watching the older children rip open their prezzies; Amelia soon cottoned on to what all the fuss was about. Three under fours opening prezzies in a frenzied rush was a good hour or so of over-stimulation.
Christmas is a great opportunity to teach little ones about the art of gift-giving. This year I plan to make little bundles of homemade goodies to give away to friends and neighbours. I've been meaning to do this for several Christmases and am always touched when others do something similar. The lesson that the spirit of Christmas can be simple is a great message for children – and adults.
A couple of weeks before Christmas we are heading to the Coromandel for a week or so for a family wedding. We are flying this year after a bad sailing crossing the Strait last Christmas. Yes, that bad. Our ferry was running late and just half an hour into our sailing passengers were dished out ice-cubes in cups to suck and warned about what-was-to-come. A half hour or so into the Strait, where the waves were so rough that the decks were closed off, Amelia started throwing up. I don't think many kids on that sailing weren't sick. The state of the family room at the end of the sailing looked like a scene from a drunken students rampage. Parents had either been sick themselves or were covered in their own children's vomit.
So when we arrived in Wellington, recking of vomit and desperate for a shower we pledged back then that next time we travelled, we would fly. Of course we still had the return sailing to take back to Picton. Luckily for us it was a calm day. The only hazard was running around after a 21-month year old for almost three hours. We were knackered at the end of it! Again, we pledged to take the plane for our next trip away.
We haven't travelled greatly with our two and a half year old. Our biggest trip away so far has been to Sydney last February. There is nothing like traveling with a littlie to realise firstly how limiting traveling with a child can be but secondly how possible it is, once you are geared towards it. We stayed at a B&B in Cronulla which was just perfect for somewhere to escape the hot aussie sun and to come back for naps. It was just a few minutes walk to the beach so we took Amelia for a few swims in the salt baths there. And we went for long walks along the esplanade.
I'm looking forward to exploring somewhere different again with Amelia this December as we head to the Coromandel. It is certainly good for the whole family having a change of scene and exploring somewhere new together. A chance to connect as a family outside of the home and to create some cherished holiday memories.
Happy Holidays to everyone out there!
Sunday, 19 August 2007
Yay For Dads!
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter September/October 2007
One afternoon, after a lunchtime nap, Amelia and I woke up to the unmistakable smell of baking. Sure enough, hubby had a cake on the go. Amelia has had cake before, but treats of any kind are very occasional in this household. One of her favourite books of late is one from the Spot series about making a cake for Spot's dad's birthday. This afternoon in which the house was filled with the aroma of chocolate cake, Amelia made the connection. Cake was a hit, and it became her new word of the day. When we came back from an afternoon outing , “cake” was uttered very hopefully as she searched the cupboards, hoping to find some more. Even at dinner that night, veges and mince weren't quite as popular as usual. And “cake” was uttered even upon waking the following day.
These kinds of shared family moments are priceless. I am forever grateful that I am part of a family unit, that I do have the support of a loving husband. I cannot imagine what it must be like to parent alone. I do have friends and family members in this position and do not envy them one bit.
Although hubby and I tag-team through-out the week, we all breathe a sigh of relief when we get to Friday as the weekend is ours. Parenting together is much easier than parenting alone. I feel my stress levels drop when there are two of us at home. When we're here together we're able to use one another as sounding boards, to bounce ideas around and are able to relish precious family time. And it is so rewarding to see Amelia's eyes light up when she realises on a Friday night Mum isn't racing off to work, her course or anywhere else. On a Saturday moming, it's all smiles when she discovers Dad is at home when she checks on his side of his bed to see if he is there or not.
When we are all home together, there is a different vibe. Amelia has a spark to her and a cheekiness that doubles, or perhaps triples, when she has a captive audience of two. Some of Amelia's favourite family games include getting into bed together for a family cuddle – any time of the day. Or doing roly poly's in the lounge together. Or getting swung in the air between her parents.
I have undeniably been the favourite parent, for lack of a better description, all the way through. I have been the one who has been requested mostly, especially during the wee hours. However lately something has shifted. Amelia no longer fusses or cries when I leave the house. Sometimes I'm lucky to even get a “bye” from her. Now hubby can put her to bed when I'm home without any kind of a protest. I think she's gotten to the point where she's perhaps Mum-ed out by the end of the day and welcomes the time spent with her Dad in the evening. This is a very welcome shift for both hubby and myself.
Recently one wet Winter's morning, we went to Chipmunks and it was “Dees” (Amelia's word for daddy) that Amelia sought to romp around with. So “Dees” followed Amelia up into the play area, while looking like a bit of a contortionist with his six foot frame. Meanwhile I was left to sit and sip a cup of tea while they played. Shame. There are of course some consolations to being the second choice of parent at any given moment.
Although we are going through a phase in which it is difficult to leave Amelia with others, it is nice to see that it is her Dad that she clings to just as much as her Mum these days. We've come a long way in this household since assuring from the beginning that Amelia has had ample opportunities to bond with her dad. It is very rewarding to see that this has happened naturally.
This Father's Day, I want to thank my husband Kev for his on-going tremendous efforts as a dad. From changing nappies all the way through that have included the poo explosions of the newborn days to the solid rocks of today. For bathing Amelia and putting her to bed at night so I can work/go to Yoga/ go to my course. Or watch Shortland Street! For being a solid, steady rock for Amelia and I. And for being understanding and non-nonjudgmental during my less-than-perfect Mum moments.
I have only been apart overnight once from my daughter in the last two plus years. About four months ago when I went to Motueka for a night with some girlfriends. It was the break I needed. I was only gone for 24 hours but it was just enough time to feel like an adult, to feel like me, for a decent amount of time. And this weekend, as I go away with the girls again for a night in Blenheim, I know everything will be fine back here.
I do love that during the week I do see a number of Dads out there at the various groups Amelia attends. Dads add to the groups we go to. It is good for us Mums and great for kids to see Dads weekly who are very much involved out there. Happy Fathers Day to all the wonderful dads out there. Us Mums who are lucky enough to have your support couldn't do it without you.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter September/October 2007
One afternoon, after a lunchtime nap, Amelia and I woke up to the unmistakable smell of baking. Sure enough, hubby had a cake on the go. Amelia has had cake before, but treats of any kind are very occasional in this household. One of her favourite books of late is one from the Spot series about making a cake for Spot's dad's birthday. This afternoon in which the house was filled with the aroma of chocolate cake, Amelia made the connection. Cake was a hit, and it became her new word of the day. When we came back from an afternoon outing , “cake” was uttered very hopefully as she searched the cupboards, hoping to find some more. Even at dinner that night, veges and mince weren't quite as popular as usual. And “cake” was uttered even upon waking the following day.
These kinds of shared family moments are priceless. I am forever grateful that I am part of a family unit, that I do have the support of a loving husband. I cannot imagine what it must be like to parent alone. I do have friends and family members in this position and do not envy them one bit.
Although hubby and I tag-team through-out the week, we all breathe a sigh of relief when we get to Friday as the weekend is ours. Parenting together is much easier than parenting alone. I feel my stress levels drop when there are two of us at home. When we're here together we're able to use one another as sounding boards, to bounce ideas around and are able to relish precious family time. And it is so rewarding to see Amelia's eyes light up when she realises on a Friday night Mum isn't racing off to work, her course or anywhere else. On a Saturday moming, it's all smiles when she discovers Dad is at home when she checks on his side of his bed to see if he is there or not.
When we are all home together, there is a different vibe. Amelia has a spark to her and a cheekiness that doubles, or perhaps triples, when she has a captive audience of two. Some of Amelia's favourite family games include getting into bed together for a family cuddle – any time of the day. Or doing roly poly's in the lounge together. Or getting swung in the air between her parents.
I have undeniably been the favourite parent, for lack of a better description, all the way through. I have been the one who has been requested mostly, especially during the wee hours. However lately something has shifted. Amelia no longer fusses or cries when I leave the house. Sometimes I'm lucky to even get a “bye” from her. Now hubby can put her to bed when I'm home without any kind of a protest. I think she's gotten to the point where she's perhaps Mum-ed out by the end of the day and welcomes the time spent with her Dad in the evening. This is a very welcome shift for both hubby and myself.
Recently one wet Winter's morning, we went to Chipmunks and it was “Dees” (Amelia's word for daddy) that Amelia sought to romp around with. So “Dees” followed Amelia up into the play area, while looking like a bit of a contortionist with his six foot frame. Meanwhile I was left to sit and sip a cup of tea while they played. Shame. There are of course some consolations to being the second choice of parent at any given moment.
Although we are going through a phase in which it is difficult to leave Amelia with others, it is nice to see that it is her Dad that she clings to just as much as her Mum these days. We've come a long way in this household since assuring from the beginning that Amelia has had ample opportunities to bond with her dad. It is very rewarding to see that this has happened naturally.
This Father's Day, I want to thank my husband Kev for his on-going tremendous efforts as a dad. From changing nappies all the way through that have included the poo explosions of the newborn days to the solid rocks of today. For bathing Amelia and putting her to bed at night so I can work/go to Yoga/ go to my course. Or watch Shortland Street! For being a solid, steady rock for Amelia and I. And for being understanding and non-nonjudgmental during my less-than-perfect Mum moments.
I have only been apart overnight once from my daughter in the last two plus years. About four months ago when I went to Motueka for a night with some girlfriends. It was the break I needed. I was only gone for 24 hours but it was just enough time to feel like an adult, to feel like me, for a decent amount of time. And this weekend, as I go away with the girls again for a night in Blenheim, I know everything will be fine back here.
I do love that during the week I do see a number of Dads out there at the various groups Amelia attends. Dads add to the groups we go to. It is good for us Mums and great for kids to see Dads weekly who are very much involved out there. Happy Fathers Day to all the wonderful dads out there. Us Mums who are lucky enough to have your support couldn't do it without you.
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Parenting Your Way
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter July/August 2007
As soon as I embarked on this journey called parenthood, it seemed I was exposed to several choices. That meant making decisions. And with every decision to be made, there came opinions. Or advice. Whichever way you look at it, there is always someone, somewhere more than willing to “share” their well-meaning advice in that minefield called parenthood.
Once pregnant the first decision was to do with mid-wives – hospital or independent?
I chose independent simply because I'd been given the brochure!
Then of course the birth itself – did I want a natural birth or a drug-induced one, in a hospital or a home birth? Well, I had hoped my birthing experience was going to resemble something a la The Pink Kit that I religiously “practised” during the months leading up to my due date. I opted for a hospital birth as I'm a cautious (or is it practical?) Virgo and quite fancied a few cooked meals post-delivery. (even if the scrambled eggs resembled a slab of cheese).
However, when birth plans go anything but planned, and suddenly every drug under the sun is administered, the safety of mother and child is most important. The birthing story isn't nearly as exciting – how does one relay the experience of being sliced open in surgery whilst knocked unconscious? Call me stupid, but I do hold a little bit of green envy for the Mum's who've experienced the whole shebang – contractions, waters breaking, labour, the bloodiness of birth and seeing the face of the newborn for the first time, covered in gunk and goo. My birth story has a beginning and an end – but no middle. One minute I was on the operating table, next minute a mask placed over my face as my world temporarily turned black. Then I woke up to see a brand-spanking, gunk-free babe in my hubby's arms! It was hard to make the association in my brain initially that she was actually mine.
The choices went on. Breastfeeding or formula? When breastfeeding is anything but natural to begin with, it's easy to see why for some it just doesn't work out. I persevered finding it to be far from natural to begin with. But I would never have dreamed that one day it would not only feel natural but that I'd still be breastfeeding, albeit occasionally, my two plus year old.
Cloth nappies or disposables? Well for this fumble-fingered Mum, dealing with the folding of a cloth nappy was too much. For me, it was a little like origami. I started with disposables and apart from a brief stint this Summer of using a few modern cloth nappies as well, they have been my nappy of choice. Sure I have felt bad about all the waste. And over the Summer I did enjoy hanging out the modern cloth nappies on the line, and felt a little more proud of my green efforts. But for us, they did lead to nappy rash so that didn't work out as a long-term measure.
Choices are made along the way as to how we want to achieve balance within parenthood. And that's going to be different for everyone. Some of us need stimulation outside of the home. Some don't so much. There seems to be a lot of judgment out there around the whole childcare issue. If a Mum is happier having some space in her week from her children, then she should go for it. For the Mums like myself who choose not to use childcare, our kids aren't missing out. So long as they are socialised and stimulated, at the end of the day, they are all going to turn out pretty much the same.
Spacing is another choice parents have to make when expanding their wee families. Some choose to have their children closer together to get “all the nappies out of the way” or so siblings will hopefully play together. Others prefer some space between siblings for economic reasons or maybe just want to enjoy their firstborn a little longer and/or the freedom that comes with having an independent toddler.
Some of us don't have a choice with spacing as we face fertility issues. And so my latest decision to make has been how to approach this. Again, there are very black and white solutions out there. Fertility drugs or herbal remedies? For today I've chosen herbal remedies but will keep an open mind in the future.
It seems a lot of the choices to be made by us Mums (and Dads) are quite black and white, initially. Yet when in the midst of parenting, many gray areas unwittingly appear. There are pros and cons for every choice to be made. And obviously parents are going to be supportive and perhaps opinionated about the parenting decisions they've made that have worked for them. Personally I now I have my own strong views and opinions around some areas of parenting and know that not everyone will agree with me.
We are all different and so we will all parent in our own unique way. I've found in the last two years of parenting that I will always disagree with some parents around their choices just as some will disagree with my choices. The important thing is to believe that you are doing the best job that you can, as you are your child's parents, and only you and you alone have the right to decide how to parent. It isn't anyone else's business how you parent. With that in mind, it isn't any of our business how others parent their kids either.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter July/August 2007
As soon as I embarked on this journey called parenthood, it seemed I was exposed to several choices. That meant making decisions. And with every decision to be made, there came opinions. Or advice. Whichever way you look at it, there is always someone, somewhere more than willing to “share” their well-meaning advice in that minefield called parenthood.
Once pregnant the first decision was to do with mid-wives – hospital or independent?
I chose independent simply because I'd been given the brochure!
Then of course the birth itself – did I want a natural birth or a drug-induced one, in a hospital or a home birth? Well, I had hoped my birthing experience was going to resemble something a la The Pink Kit that I religiously “practised” during the months leading up to my due date. I opted for a hospital birth as I'm a cautious (or is it practical?) Virgo and quite fancied a few cooked meals post-delivery. (even if the scrambled eggs resembled a slab of cheese).
However, when birth plans go anything but planned, and suddenly every drug under the sun is administered, the safety of mother and child is most important. The birthing story isn't nearly as exciting – how does one relay the experience of being sliced open in surgery whilst knocked unconscious? Call me stupid, but I do hold a little bit of green envy for the Mum's who've experienced the whole shebang – contractions, waters breaking, labour, the bloodiness of birth and seeing the face of the newborn for the first time, covered in gunk and goo. My birth story has a beginning and an end – but no middle. One minute I was on the operating table, next minute a mask placed over my face as my world temporarily turned black. Then I woke up to see a brand-spanking, gunk-free babe in my hubby's arms! It was hard to make the association in my brain initially that she was actually mine.
The choices went on. Breastfeeding or formula? When breastfeeding is anything but natural to begin with, it's easy to see why for some it just doesn't work out. I persevered finding it to be far from natural to begin with. But I would never have dreamed that one day it would not only feel natural but that I'd still be breastfeeding, albeit occasionally, my two plus year old.
Cloth nappies or disposables? Well for this fumble-fingered Mum, dealing with the folding of a cloth nappy was too much. For me, it was a little like origami. I started with disposables and apart from a brief stint this Summer of using a few modern cloth nappies as well, they have been my nappy of choice. Sure I have felt bad about all the waste. And over the Summer I did enjoy hanging out the modern cloth nappies on the line, and felt a little more proud of my green efforts. But for us, they did lead to nappy rash so that didn't work out as a long-term measure.
Choices are made along the way as to how we want to achieve balance within parenthood. And that's going to be different for everyone. Some of us need stimulation outside of the home. Some don't so much. There seems to be a lot of judgment out there around the whole childcare issue. If a Mum is happier having some space in her week from her children, then she should go for it. For the Mums like myself who choose not to use childcare, our kids aren't missing out. So long as they are socialised and stimulated, at the end of the day, they are all going to turn out pretty much the same.
Spacing is another choice parents have to make when expanding their wee families. Some choose to have their children closer together to get “all the nappies out of the way” or so siblings will hopefully play together. Others prefer some space between siblings for economic reasons or maybe just want to enjoy their firstborn a little longer and/or the freedom that comes with having an independent toddler.
Some of us don't have a choice with spacing as we face fertility issues. And so my latest decision to make has been how to approach this. Again, there are very black and white solutions out there. Fertility drugs or herbal remedies? For today I've chosen herbal remedies but will keep an open mind in the future.
It seems a lot of the choices to be made by us Mums (and Dads) are quite black and white, initially. Yet when in the midst of parenting, many gray areas unwittingly appear. There are pros and cons for every choice to be made. And obviously parents are going to be supportive and perhaps opinionated about the parenting decisions they've made that have worked for them. Personally I now I have my own strong views and opinions around some areas of parenting and know that not everyone will agree with me.
We are all different and so we will all parent in our own unique way. I've found in the last two years of parenting that I will always disagree with some parents around their choices just as some will disagree with my choices. The important thing is to believe that you are doing the best job that you can, as you are your child's parents, and only you and you alone have the right to decide how to parent. It isn't anyone else's business how you parent. With that in mind, it isn't any of our business how others parent their kids either.
Sunday, 6 May 2007
Two Years Of Mummyhood
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter May/June 2007
Today our antenatal class met for a combined two year birthday party celebration. It seems like just the other day that we gathered to celebrate the first year of our children's lives. Some mums are on to their seconds. I had the pleasure of holding a five week old this morning and I commented how it seems as though my daughter was born a two year old as it is hard to associate her today with being the baby she was yesterday.
We celebrated Amelia's birthday last weekend with a small party which included a couple of her friends. The celebration was quite different from the one last year in which we had just had close family present. This years party reflected how we've networked just a little more into the community and made some great connections with some other families.
Two years of mothering feels quite symbolic for me. When I celebrated one year of mothering, I felt as though I was no longer treading water, that I was out of survival mode and able to see the wood for the trees. A year later I feel quite different. I am much more confident, have clear values, opinions and ideas around mothering and am enjoying the independence that comes with raising a two year old.
Life outside of motherhood is happening again for me. I've been for swims and bike-rides and am doing a course in Small Management once a week. And working two nights a week. I am very fortunate that I have a wonderful, supportive husband who gives me the freedom to do all this stuff outside of the home.
As I grow into motherhood and enjoy it more and more, I feel sad and concerned for the brand new mums on the block who might feel overwhelmed, uncertain, unsupported and confused within motherhood. It seems there is pressure out there to have it all together and to have all the answers by the end of that first year which to me, is totally unrealistic.
If anyone has stuck long-term in a job in any industry, they will know that a year in a job is not long. Only long enough to get to grips with the role; not long enough to fly in it. The same goes for motherhood, I believe.
There is a school of thought out there that believes motherhood comes together in many levels around the second year. That has certainly being my experience. I am a lot happier now than I was a year ago. A lot of what we do during our weeks activity-wise is the same and we still have sleep issues – yet I am much more relaxed about it all.
Two years of being an at-home Mum has meant a lot of personal growth for myself. I started off in my new role with (natural) trepidation. It was all so incredibly overwhelming. And I didn't help myself any by putting such high standards on myself. It has taken many months for me to get to know my daughter, work out what style of mothering suits me, and to make peace around my non-Betty Crocker self. However I do enjoy getting tea on the table very night at 5pmish. I love creating a stable, secure home for our wee family.
Of course I've had stretches of time when I've been bored, and uncertain about aspects of motherhood and recently, challenged with the trials and tribulations of living with a two year old. Yet those times are in the minority. I love going to Playgroup and music group with Amelia, and watching her evolve in these environments she's been going to since she was six months old. She's more confident, more independent, and more involved.
The bottom-line is; I wouldn't change the last two years for anything. Being an at-home Mum has been an absolute pleasure and I will continue to relish our next year at home together as we prepare for Kindy in 2008.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter May/June 2007
Today our antenatal class met for a combined two year birthday party celebration. It seems like just the other day that we gathered to celebrate the first year of our children's lives. Some mums are on to their seconds. I had the pleasure of holding a five week old this morning and I commented how it seems as though my daughter was born a two year old as it is hard to associate her today with being the baby she was yesterday.
We celebrated Amelia's birthday last weekend with a small party which included a couple of her friends. The celebration was quite different from the one last year in which we had just had close family present. This years party reflected how we've networked just a little more into the community and made some great connections with some other families.
Two years of mothering feels quite symbolic for me. When I celebrated one year of mothering, I felt as though I was no longer treading water, that I was out of survival mode and able to see the wood for the trees. A year later I feel quite different. I am much more confident, have clear values, opinions and ideas around mothering and am enjoying the independence that comes with raising a two year old.
Life outside of motherhood is happening again for me. I've been for swims and bike-rides and am doing a course in Small Management once a week. And working two nights a week. I am very fortunate that I have a wonderful, supportive husband who gives me the freedom to do all this stuff outside of the home.
As I grow into motherhood and enjoy it more and more, I feel sad and concerned for the brand new mums on the block who might feel overwhelmed, uncertain, unsupported and confused within motherhood. It seems there is pressure out there to have it all together and to have all the answers by the end of that first year which to me, is totally unrealistic.
If anyone has stuck long-term in a job in any industry, they will know that a year in a job is not long. Only long enough to get to grips with the role; not long enough to fly in it. The same goes for motherhood, I believe.
There is a school of thought out there that believes motherhood comes together in many levels around the second year. That has certainly being my experience. I am a lot happier now than I was a year ago. A lot of what we do during our weeks activity-wise is the same and we still have sleep issues – yet I am much more relaxed about it all.
Two years of being an at-home Mum has meant a lot of personal growth for myself. I started off in my new role with (natural) trepidation. It was all so incredibly overwhelming. And I didn't help myself any by putting such high standards on myself. It has taken many months for me to get to know my daughter, work out what style of mothering suits me, and to make peace around my non-Betty Crocker self. However I do enjoy getting tea on the table very night at 5pmish. I love creating a stable, secure home for our wee family.
Of course I've had stretches of time when I've been bored, and uncertain about aspects of motherhood and recently, challenged with the trials and tribulations of living with a two year old. Yet those times are in the minority. I love going to Playgroup and music group with Amelia, and watching her evolve in these environments she's been going to since she was six months old. She's more confident, more independent, and more involved.
The bottom-line is; I wouldn't change the last two years for anything. Being an at-home Mum has been an absolute pleasure and I will continue to relish our next year at home together as we prepare for Kindy in 2008.
Getting The Support You Need
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter March/April
I have yet to meet a new Mum who wasn't stripped bare with the whole childbirth experience. Right from the word go there is so much for the new Mum to get her head around – breastfeeding (not as easy as it looks and no guarantees it will even work), nappies (has any one Mum ever managed to perfect the folding of a hospital cloth nappy?), gingerly bathing something smaller than your cat and operating on a ridiculous amount of sleep even though your body is screaming for a week long break on a tropical island somewhere.
Obviously us new Mums are in over our heads. Of course we need support. A ton of it please! And encouragement. We need a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough, people to tell us we are doing a good job of raising our bundle of joy even though there is dried baby puke on one shoulder and bags under our eyes that hint that perhaps longer than a week on that tropical island may be needed to recoup ourselves. And do tell us we look good even though we are traipsing around in the trackies we swore we'd never be seen dead in or that you turned up unannounced to find us still in our PJ's at 2pm.
A generation or two ago it was a given that a new Mum would have her extended family close by when the newborn arrived. Motherhood was witnessed amongst family and mothering tips handed down in a natural way. These days a lot of us don't have our extended family around us. And so unless we want to go it alone, we are reliant on reaching out within our community for support.
Because we don't have family who live in town, hubby and I set out to create a support network by firstly attending antenatal classes at the Parent Centre. These were an excellent way to connect with other parents-to-be . The Baby And You classes were my initiation into mixing with Mums and bubs. A coffee group followed where it was a relief to know there were other Mums I could meet with that were in the same boat .
Coffee group gave a bit of a structure to my week in the early months of motherhood. Apart from one or two other Mums I'd known before motherhood, these were the only women I socialised with regularly. It's been great to watch our babies move through each stage together – from newborn to infant to toddler and within the next couple of months they will all be approaching Two! As Mums naturally play the comparison game, coffee groups can have a bit of a competitive vibe, yet it is good to check in with those who are raising children the same age.
When Amelia was around six months, I branched out into taking her to a local Playgroup and music group. By taking her to these groups on a regular basis, it started to feel as though my Mum community was forming. New friendships are developing from these groups, but really the support I get from attending these groups is simply in knowing and seeing other Mums out there, week in, week out. In passing one might have a casual conversation about anything from childbirth to toilet training. You can turn up at of these groups after having had a challenging episode with your pride and joy, only to have it all melt away somewhat once you are greeted by a sea of Mums with their tots. In that instance you know you're not alone. So this week when Amelia's groups started up again I was glad to be back in the swing of it all as not only do these groups add structure to our week, a place for Amelia to play and socialise, they also provide me with a great deal of support.
Sooner or later as parents you realise that it is an incredible challenge to raise your child on your own. We did it for what seemed like a long time. Occasionally my Mum would babysit when in town, but very sporadically. I knew we could “just go out and get a babysitter” if we really wanted to, but like many first-time parents, I didn't want just anyone looking after our daughter. So through our antenatal class, a friendship started to develop with another couple who didn't have family in town either. When Amelia was around 18 months, we were ready to start having regular time-outs to ourselves and we suggested babysitting swaps.
So in the weekends hubby and I have been going out for brunch, knowing our daughter is in safe hands. I smile inwardly at other parents who are getting up fifty times during their brunches while I pour my third cup of tea in a row without moving once. (except to maybe go to the loo...) It is a good feeling being able to hand over your child to someone else to look after, even if it is only for an hour and a half once a week.
Support isn't just about babysitters and mixing with a community of Mums, it's also about being respected for the way you choose to raise your children. In this day and age there are so many variations on how to “have it all” as such. It would seem many a Mum is in a quandary as to what might work best for them. There are many reasons why Mums opt to stay home fulltime just as there are many reasons why Mums choose to work casually, part-time or fulltime. Noone has the right to judge another's decision.
Yet us Mums do need to ask for support so that we are able to be the best Mums we can, regardless of whether we choose to be at-home Mums or to combine work with motherhood. Noone else can guess our needs. I've learnt that I have to pencil in time-outs for the things I need to do to keep me sane and healthy. I've also learnt to grasp the pockets of time that do come up during the week as my daughter becomes more independent.
In the early days I turned to Plunket for advice, and made contact with the Postnatal Depression Support Network here in Nelson following a traumatic birthing experience. I have phoned Healthline off and on over the last 22 months with varying questions from problems with breastfeeding to tending to a toddler with a worrying stomach bug. There are organisations to phone for support. It is important to reach out as none of us can be expected to know it all.
Someone just this week quoted me with the African proverb it takes a village to raise a child. There is a lot of truth in that one as none of us can do the child-rearing thing alone.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter March/April
I have yet to meet a new Mum who wasn't stripped bare with the whole childbirth experience. Right from the word go there is so much for the new Mum to get her head around – breastfeeding (not as easy as it looks and no guarantees it will even work), nappies (has any one Mum ever managed to perfect the folding of a hospital cloth nappy?), gingerly bathing something smaller than your cat and operating on a ridiculous amount of sleep even though your body is screaming for a week long break on a tropical island somewhere.
Obviously us new Mums are in over our heads. Of course we need support. A ton of it please! And encouragement. We need a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough, people to tell us we are doing a good job of raising our bundle of joy even though there is dried baby puke on one shoulder and bags under our eyes that hint that perhaps longer than a week on that tropical island may be needed to recoup ourselves. And do tell us we look good even though we are traipsing around in the trackies we swore we'd never be seen dead in or that you turned up unannounced to find us still in our PJ's at 2pm.
A generation or two ago it was a given that a new Mum would have her extended family close by when the newborn arrived. Motherhood was witnessed amongst family and mothering tips handed down in a natural way. These days a lot of us don't have our extended family around us. And so unless we want to go it alone, we are reliant on reaching out within our community for support.
Because we don't have family who live in town, hubby and I set out to create a support network by firstly attending antenatal classes at the Parent Centre. These were an excellent way to connect with other parents-to-be . The Baby And You classes were my initiation into mixing with Mums and bubs. A coffee group followed where it was a relief to know there were other Mums I could meet with that were in the same boat .
Coffee group gave a bit of a structure to my week in the early months of motherhood. Apart from one or two other Mums I'd known before motherhood, these were the only women I socialised with regularly. It's been great to watch our babies move through each stage together – from newborn to infant to toddler and within the next couple of months they will all be approaching Two! As Mums naturally play the comparison game, coffee groups can have a bit of a competitive vibe, yet it is good to check in with those who are raising children the same age.
When Amelia was around six months, I branched out into taking her to a local Playgroup and music group. By taking her to these groups on a regular basis, it started to feel as though my Mum community was forming. New friendships are developing from these groups, but really the support I get from attending these groups is simply in knowing and seeing other Mums out there, week in, week out. In passing one might have a casual conversation about anything from childbirth to toilet training. You can turn up at of these groups after having had a challenging episode with your pride and joy, only to have it all melt away somewhat once you are greeted by a sea of Mums with their tots. In that instance you know you're not alone. So this week when Amelia's groups started up again I was glad to be back in the swing of it all as not only do these groups add structure to our week, a place for Amelia to play and socialise, they also provide me with a great deal of support.
Sooner or later as parents you realise that it is an incredible challenge to raise your child on your own. We did it for what seemed like a long time. Occasionally my Mum would babysit when in town, but very sporadically. I knew we could “just go out and get a babysitter” if we really wanted to, but like many first-time parents, I didn't want just anyone looking after our daughter. So through our antenatal class, a friendship started to develop with another couple who didn't have family in town either. When Amelia was around 18 months, we were ready to start having regular time-outs to ourselves and we suggested babysitting swaps.
So in the weekends hubby and I have been going out for brunch, knowing our daughter is in safe hands. I smile inwardly at other parents who are getting up fifty times during their brunches while I pour my third cup of tea in a row without moving once. (except to maybe go to the loo...) It is a good feeling being able to hand over your child to someone else to look after, even if it is only for an hour and a half once a week.
Support isn't just about babysitters and mixing with a community of Mums, it's also about being respected for the way you choose to raise your children. In this day and age there are so many variations on how to “have it all” as such. It would seem many a Mum is in a quandary as to what might work best for them. There are many reasons why Mums opt to stay home fulltime just as there are many reasons why Mums choose to work casually, part-time or fulltime. Noone has the right to judge another's decision.
Yet us Mums do need to ask for support so that we are able to be the best Mums we can, regardless of whether we choose to be at-home Mums or to combine work with motherhood. Noone else can guess our needs. I've learnt that I have to pencil in time-outs for the things I need to do to keep me sane and healthy. I've also learnt to grasp the pockets of time that do come up during the week as my daughter becomes more independent.
In the early days I turned to Plunket for advice, and made contact with the Postnatal Depression Support Network here in Nelson following a traumatic birthing experience. I have phoned Healthline off and on over the last 22 months with varying questions from problems with breastfeeding to tending to a toddler with a worrying stomach bug. There are organisations to phone for support. It is important to reach out as none of us can be expected to know it all.
Someone just this week quoted me with the African proverb it takes a village to raise a child. There is a lot of truth in that one as none of us can do the child-rearing thing alone.
Tuesday, 1 May 2007
Preserving The Moment
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter September/October 2006
I'm a Virgo who loves a good project. I like to organise, plan and manage things. I practically organised the whole of our outdoor wedding with just under 100 guests. I enjoyed it. Mostly...But sometimes the logical Virgo side of me gets bowled over by my flaky Pisces side that is also part of my astrological makeup. At times I can procrastinate and choose to live in the moment, leaving things to sort themselves out another day. Astrological shortcomings aside, basically I swing between being on to it – and not. Hence why capturing some special moments in Amelia's early life got captured – and some didn't.
The traditional way to celebrate a babies arrival into the Western world is to announce the babies birth in the newspaper – including weight, sex, name and time, thanking as many people as you like. Then there's the matter of capturing your wee bundles arrival with a camera – still or moving – the choice is yours. Baby footprints and/or hand prints are another memento a lot of people go for in the early months. And don't forget the placenta . If you're not sure what to do with it you could always keep it in your freezer for a bit until you find an alternative home for it. Just make sure everyone in your household knows it's there as I have heard a horror story about a case of mistaken identity.
Will Amelia forgive us in time when she realises that not only did her parents never announce to the world, or to Nelson at least, her arrival in the local newspaper but that we never planted a tree over her placenta or bothered to get molds of her wee hands or feet?
Maybe discussing the above with hubby before she arrived might have helped. I was operating in a blur for the first couple of months, perhaps a side-effect of a general or maybe it was just early motherhood. My organisational skills fell to the wayside. Form filling just wasn't an option and my short-term memory was shorter than ever. In fact, I think I had the memory of a goldfish for the first few months of my daughters life.
But all is not lost. Within hours of Amelia's arrival we updated our family web site from the maternity ward at Nelson hospital. Hubby went home and sent the link out to friends and family so they had all the credentials and a photo of a brand-spanking Amelia.
Thanks to our monthly family web site we have managed to capture snippets of Amelia's early months via photos and verbal descriptions on her own web page. I even print these pages out and store them in transparent folder from Warehouse Stationary. It's the best I can do. As simply put I'm no arts and crafts whiz. Scrapbooking is back in vogue and I wish I had the knack. But I'm all thumbs when it comes to dealing with scraps of paper and glue. Even with six years of Graphic Design under my belt, the thought of cutting up small pieces of paper and sticking them strategically in a scrapbook makes me wince.
We filmed Amelia a bit during her first year so we have a DVD that hubby proudly edited that captures her growth almost monthly. It starts when she is around a month old and finishes at her 1st birthday party. We haven't filmed her for a few months so need to get on to it again before her Amelia-speak turns into real sentences. Hubby and I are also rather snap-happy with our digital camera so there are literally hundreds of photos of Amelia stored in the hard-drives on our computers.
A friend gave me a journal for recording milestones in the 1st year. I started off with good intentions of filling it in. I think I got to about six months and then got my weeks mixed up and the journaling came to an abrupt halt. But there is the WellChild Health Book. There are a lot of moments captured in there. You can see that Amelia has had all her shots, what her height and weight was at different stages, as well as all her different “quirks” along the way. Recently I saw an attractive material-bound cover designed for the WellChild Health Book in a local children's gift shop. Not a bad idea. Perhaps I should get one myself.
So I think there is a lesson in all this. Invent your own way of capturing your child's arrival into the world and the precious moments that follow. There are no rules. Do what is natural and works for you. Even if those milestones aren't recorded in every traditional way possible.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter September/October 2006
I'm a Virgo who loves a good project. I like to organise, plan and manage things. I practically organised the whole of our outdoor wedding with just under 100 guests. I enjoyed it. Mostly...But sometimes the logical Virgo side of me gets bowled over by my flaky Pisces side that is also part of my astrological makeup. At times I can procrastinate and choose to live in the moment, leaving things to sort themselves out another day. Astrological shortcomings aside, basically I swing between being on to it – and not. Hence why capturing some special moments in Amelia's early life got captured – and some didn't.
The traditional way to celebrate a babies arrival into the Western world is to announce the babies birth in the newspaper – including weight, sex, name and time, thanking as many people as you like. Then there's the matter of capturing your wee bundles arrival with a camera – still or moving – the choice is yours. Baby footprints and/or hand prints are another memento a lot of people go for in the early months. And don't forget the placenta . If you're not sure what to do with it you could always keep it in your freezer for a bit until you find an alternative home for it. Just make sure everyone in your household knows it's there as I have heard a horror story about a case of mistaken identity.
Will Amelia forgive us in time when she realises that not only did her parents never announce to the world, or to Nelson at least, her arrival in the local newspaper but that we never planted a tree over her placenta or bothered to get molds of her wee hands or feet?
Maybe discussing the above with hubby before she arrived might have helped. I was operating in a blur for the first couple of months, perhaps a side-effect of a general or maybe it was just early motherhood. My organisational skills fell to the wayside. Form filling just wasn't an option and my short-term memory was shorter than ever. In fact, I think I had the memory of a goldfish for the first few months of my daughters life.
But all is not lost. Within hours of Amelia's arrival we updated our family web site from the maternity ward at Nelson hospital. Hubby went home and sent the link out to friends and family so they had all the credentials and a photo of a brand-spanking Amelia.
Thanks to our monthly family web site we have managed to capture snippets of Amelia's early months via photos and verbal descriptions on her own web page. I even print these pages out and store them in transparent folder from Warehouse Stationary. It's the best I can do. As simply put I'm no arts and crafts whiz. Scrapbooking is back in vogue and I wish I had the knack. But I'm all thumbs when it comes to dealing with scraps of paper and glue. Even with six years of Graphic Design under my belt, the thought of cutting up small pieces of paper and sticking them strategically in a scrapbook makes me wince.
We filmed Amelia a bit during her first year so we have a DVD that hubby proudly edited that captures her growth almost monthly. It starts when she is around a month old and finishes at her 1st birthday party. We haven't filmed her for a few months so need to get on to it again before her Amelia-speak turns into real sentences. Hubby and I are also rather snap-happy with our digital camera so there are literally hundreds of photos of Amelia stored in the hard-drives on our computers.
A friend gave me a journal for recording milestones in the 1st year. I started off with good intentions of filling it in. I think I got to about six months and then got my weeks mixed up and the journaling came to an abrupt halt. But there is the WellChild Health Book. There are a lot of moments captured in there. You can see that Amelia has had all her shots, what her height and weight was at different stages, as well as all her different “quirks” along the way. Recently I saw an attractive material-bound cover designed for the WellChild Health Book in a local children's gift shop. Not a bad idea. Perhaps I should get one myself.
So I think there is a lesson in all this. Invent your own way of capturing your child's arrival into the world and the precious moments that follow. There are no rules. Do what is natural and works for you. Even if those milestones aren't recorded in every traditional way possible.
Sunday, 29 April 2007
Everything But The Kitchen Sink
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter December/January 2007
It never ceases to amaze me how much gear is needed when traveling with a little one. In the last nineteen months since Amelia's entry into the world, we've been on a few excursions. I have flown to and from Auckland twice with Amelia, without hubby. Earlier this year we had a family trip to Sydney. And we've stayed out at Ruby Bay, a mere 20 minutes drive from Tahuna, at my mums a few times.
Some days I'm good at it. I make my checklist and dash around the house filling a suitcase. Yet for the latest trip away, a simple two nights out at Ruby Bay over Labour w'end, I relaxed the rules a little. There was no list. And so in a very un-Virgo way, I haphazardly packed this and that, aware that this method was probably going to backfire on me.
Which it did. I ended up forgetting a bottle for Amelia (ah, a kind of key ingredient in her night time schedule at this point), my moisturiser, only packed one pair of socks for Amelia and then somehow lost my Pilates DVD between our place and my mums. Still yet to be found. My abs that were slowly toning up are settling back into the relaxed flopping belly they were before I started Pilates. Never fear, I bought another Pilates DVD today, there is hope yet...
My mum said when we were kids she always attached a list of what we'd taken with us to our suitcases so that when we left places we could check we had everything. Good idea. We're heading North over Christmas for two weeks, staying an average of two nights in each place.
The potential to lose precious toys is very high. It is amazing how many toys have been lost so far – out of the buggy. Some sentimental toys – but probably more so for us than Amelia as a few were given to her around her birth. I almost lost a toy she is strangely attached to at the moment the other day. I say strangely 'cos it's a doorstop – that is disguised as a cow. (Or is it a cow disguised as a doorstop??) It's fondly referred to as “sausage -cow”. Amelia insists on going to bed with sausage -cow and it ended up in her buggy the other day only to fall out in the last five minutes of our walk
Thankfully I noticed when we got home that sausage-cow wasn't in the buggy and so hurriedly backtracked. And when I saw sausage-cow in the distance, lying in the intersection between Green and Roto St here in Tahuna I :
1. Prayed that no cars were going to come anytime soon and squash poor sausage-cow.
2. Hoped that no one would see me pathetically pleased to see a cow-doorstop on the road...
Past experience of traveling with Amelia has taught us to bring toys, books and a few Wiggles DVDs. The Wiggles are the only magic trick we have up our sleeves at this point to get Amelia to sit still. They are typically on at the beginning of the day when I shower and at the end of the day, while I prepare tea.
Amelia's music cds seem to be a great source of comfort and entertainment – at the moment she can happily sit by her bookcase going through her books while her music plays for around an hour. So those will be coming up North too – the CDs – not the bookcase!!It certainly is a different kettle of fish traveling with a little one. Gone are the days of chilling out to music or watching an inflight movie on planes. Most flights I spend either encouraging Amelia to sleep or keeping her entertained.
Hubby and I have sat down and attempted to nut out an itinerary for up North. We've decided it's probably best on the days we are driving, to drive during Amelia's nap time which is around two hours at noon which is the average time we'll be on the road between destinations. But if there's any great one thing I've learnt about children it's that plans cannot be set in stone, agendas can change at any moment, and to always allow a lot more time than originally planned for the unexpected.
In our family we've discovered that separate bags for each individual is the easiest way to go. So when we went out to Ruby Bay at Labour weekend Kev and I had medium sized bags each and then Amelia had her very own enormous suitcase containing all her clothes, bedding (for the cot out there that we didn't even use in the end), toys, books, and DVDs. Everything but the kitchen sink, it would seem. :)
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter December/January 2007
It never ceases to amaze me how much gear is needed when traveling with a little one. In the last nineteen months since Amelia's entry into the world, we've been on a few excursions. I have flown to and from Auckland twice with Amelia, without hubby. Earlier this year we had a family trip to Sydney. And we've stayed out at Ruby Bay, a mere 20 minutes drive from Tahuna, at my mums a few times.
Some days I'm good at it. I make my checklist and dash around the house filling a suitcase. Yet for the latest trip away, a simple two nights out at Ruby Bay over Labour w'end, I relaxed the rules a little. There was no list. And so in a very un-Virgo way, I haphazardly packed this and that, aware that this method was probably going to backfire on me.
Which it did. I ended up forgetting a bottle for Amelia (ah, a kind of key ingredient in her night time schedule at this point), my moisturiser, only packed one pair of socks for Amelia and then somehow lost my Pilates DVD between our place and my mums. Still yet to be found. My abs that were slowly toning up are settling back into the relaxed flopping belly they were before I started Pilates. Never fear, I bought another Pilates DVD today, there is hope yet...
My mum said when we were kids she always attached a list of what we'd taken with us to our suitcases so that when we left places we could check we had everything. Good idea. We're heading North over Christmas for two weeks, staying an average of two nights in each place.
The potential to lose precious toys is very high. It is amazing how many toys have been lost so far – out of the buggy. Some sentimental toys – but probably more so for us than Amelia as a few were given to her around her birth. I almost lost a toy she is strangely attached to at the moment the other day. I say strangely 'cos it's a doorstop – that is disguised as a cow. (Or is it a cow disguised as a doorstop??) It's fondly referred to as “sausage -cow”. Amelia insists on going to bed with sausage -cow and it ended up in her buggy the other day only to fall out in the last five minutes of our walk
Thankfully I noticed when we got home that sausage-cow wasn't in the buggy and so hurriedly backtracked. And when I saw sausage-cow in the distance, lying in the intersection between Green and Roto St here in Tahuna I :
1. Prayed that no cars were going to come anytime soon and squash poor sausage-cow.
2. Hoped that no one would see me pathetically pleased to see a cow-doorstop on the road...
Past experience of traveling with Amelia has taught us to bring toys, books and a few Wiggles DVDs. The Wiggles are the only magic trick we have up our sleeves at this point to get Amelia to sit still. They are typically on at the beginning of the day when I shower and at the end of the day, while I prepare tea.
Amelia's music cds seem to be a great source of comfort and entertainment – at the moment she can happily sit by her bookcase going through her books while her music plays for around an hour. So those will be coming up North too – the CDs – not the bookcase!!It certainly is a different kettle of fish traveling with a little one. Gone are the days of chilling out to music or watching an inflight movie on planes. Most flights I spend either encouraging Amelia to sleep or keeping her entertained.
Hubby and I have sat down and attempted to nut out an itinerary for up North. We've decided it's probably best on the days we are driving, to drive during Amelia's nap time which is around two hours at noon which is the average time we'll be on the road between destinations. But if there's any great one thing I've learnt about children it's that plans cannot be set in stone, agendas can change at any moment, and to always allow a lot more time than originally planned for the unexpected.
In our family we've discovered that separate bags for each individual is the easiest way to go. So when we went out to Ruby Bay at Labour weekend Kev and I had medium sized bags each and then Amelia had her very own enormous suitcase containing all her clothes, bedding (for the cot out there that we didn't even use in the end), toys, books, and DVDs. Everything but the kitchen sink, it would seem. :)
Celebrating Dads On The Block
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter July/August 2006
Dads. They are underestimated, I believe. A lot of literature and media hype is directed towards women and motherhood and the battles, judgements and dilemmas they face in the modern age. However, in our antenatal class dads were acknowledged as having an important role to play in the grand scheme of things. They were put into groups and asked to share their feelings – in a kiwi bloke kind-of-a-way. I know my hubby was relieved to find that other dads-to-be were just as terrified as he was about the impending birth awaiting them. A lot of pressure goes on the poor dads to be the support person – and that of course, means offering support - in a kiwi bloke kind-of-a-way. What about the dads who are somewhat faint-hearted? I’ve heard of more than one dad who went quite queasy within labour and had to leave the room and breathe quietly into a paper bag somewhere. Or in one case a dad who actually fainted.
A few months back at the Lions playground in Tahuna, I was the only mum present. The rest of the adults were dads. It’s not often I get outnumbered by dads when I go to the playground or to any of Amelia’s weekly activities such as Playgroup and music. Typically the places I frequent with my toddler are littered with mums. And when dads make an appearance, it’s somewhat of a rarity. But dads are hands-on these days.
Fathers are in many cases the strong, unseen force in the family, even though they may be physically absent weekdays. Sure, they go out and bring home the bacon but they do much more than that. Dads in this day and age are very often present at the birth. When I arrived into the world thirty-something years ago, it was common for the men to be pacing the hospital floor, outside the delivery room. How times have changed. If anything it’s considered somewhat abnormal if a dad isn’t present at the birth. Mums may feel somewhat displaced redefining themselves within motherhood after several years in the workforce. But dads have different issues. They are out at work, supporting the family and then at home in hands-on parenting roles quite different to their fathers a generation ago.
My birthing experience was kind of like an outer body experience – a c-section with a general on the side. And so, I don’t have a colourful tale of hours of labour – in fact, I don’t have a tale to tell! I remain to this day completely clueless as to what a contraction even feels like. But, my hubby was there for the whole duration of Amelia’s birth. It was he who held my hand as the general was administered. He who prayed “on demand” for me. He who watched me being prepped for a c-section and then subsequently, he who witnessed the c-section. And it was he who held Amelia for the first time – at least a good half hour before I was “awake.”
And hubby has been hands on with Amelia all the way. He has been chief bather from the very beginning. And for the last few months has put Amelia to bed as well which has freed up my evenings to, er, watch tv…
But it’s not just the physical, hands on stuff that dads help us mums out with. It’s the emotional too. Hubby was there through all my irrational and hormonal-filled tears in the early months. He was there as I learnt to breastfeed, and he endured (and still does!) living with a sleep deprived wife, as well as skimping on sleep himself.
We try to work as a team and to support each other as much as possible. After all, we are raising our daughter and working (some weeks) almost 60 hours between us without any outside support. And I work just eight hours out of that so you do the math. Hubby is the one out there doing the long hours in the workforce.
I can see what a special and close bond Amelia and her dad share. I am lucky to have such a hands-on hubby with our daughter. When he gets up in the weekend to Amelia’s 6am start and I get to lie in a bit longer, it is wonderful to hear them laughing together in the lounge. And to get the extra zzzs of course. Lately I’ve been broadening my horizons a bit outside of motherhood. Going out with girlfriends the odd Saturday night and even venturing to the gym. I know I never need worry as not only is Amelia in the safest hands possible, she is also in the most loving. They say a mothers work is never done but in all fairness, is a fathers work ever done either?
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter July/August 2006
Dads. They are underestimated, I believe. A lot of literature and media hype is directed towards women and motherhood and the battles, judgements and dilemmas they face in the modern age. However, in our antenatal class dads were acknowledged as having an important role to play in the grand scheme of things. They were put into groups and asked to share their feelings – in a kiwi bloke kind-of-a-way. I know my hubby was relieved to find that other dads-to-be were just as terrified as he was about the impending birth awaiting them. A lot of pressure goes on the poor dads to be the support person – and that of course, means offering support - in a kiwi bloke kind-of-a-way. What about the dads who are somewhat faint-hearted? I’ve heard of more than one dad who went quite queasy within labour and had to leave the room and breathe quietly into a paper bag somewhere. Or in one case a dad who actually fainted.
A few months back at the Lions playground in Tahuna, I was the only mum present. The rest of the adults were dads. It’s not often I get outnumbered by dads when I go to the playground or to any of Amelia’s weekly activities such as Playgroup and music. Typically the places I frequent with my toddler are littered with mums. And when dads make an appearance, it’s somewhat of a rarity. But dads are hands-on these days.
Fathers are in many cases the strong, unseen force in the family, even though they may be physically absent weekdays. Sure, they go out and bring home the bacon but they do much more than that. Dads in this day and age are very often present at the birth. When I arrived into the world thirty-something years ago, it was common for the men to be pacing the hospital floor, outside the delivery room. How times have changed. If anything it’s considered somewhat abnormal if a dad isn’t present at the birth. Mums may feel somewhat displaced redefining themselves within motherhood after several years in the workforce. But dads have different issues. They are out at work, supporting the family and then at home in hands-on parenting roles quite different to their fathers a generation ago.
My birthing experience was kind of like an outer body experience – a c-section with a general on the side. And so, I don’t have a colourful tale of hours of labour – in fact, I don’t have a tale to tell! I remain to this day completely clueless as to what a contraction even feels like. But, my hubby was there for the whole duration of Amelia’s birth. It was he who held my hand as the general was administered. He who prayed “on demand” for me. He who watched me being prepped for a c-section and then subsequently, he who witnessed the c-section. And it was he who held Amelia for the first time – at least a good half hour before I was “awake.”
And hubby has been hands on with Amelia all the way. He has been chief bather from the very beginning. And for the last few months has put Amelia to bed as well which has freed up my evenings to, er, watch tv…
But it’s not just the physical, hands on stuff that dads help us mums out with. It’s the emotional too. Hubby was there through all my irrational and hormonal-filled tears in the early months. He was there as I learnt to breastfeed, and he endured (and still does!) living with a sleep deprived wife, as well as skimping on sleep himself.
We try to work as a team and to support each other as much as possible. After all, we are raising our daughter and working (some weeks) almost 60 hours between us without any outside support. And I work just eight hours out of that so you do the math. Hubby is the one out there doing the long hours in the workforce.
I can see what a special and close bond Amelia and her dad share. I am lucky to have such a hands-on hubby with our daughter. When he gets up in the weekend to Amelia’s 6am start and I get to lie in a bit longer, it is wonderful to hear them laughing together in the lounge. And to get the extra zzzs of course. Lately I’ve been broadening my horizons a bit outside of motherhood. Going out with girlfriends the odd Saturday night and even venturing to the gym. I know I never need worry as not only is Amelia in the safest hands possible, she is also in the most loving. They say a mothers work is never done but in all fairness, is a fathers work ever done either?
Making It through THAT First Year
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter May/June 2006
These days we are able to choose when we want to start parenthood. Often we may have ventured quite a way from our hometown and so when we start our own family, we may find we aren't surrounded by our extended family. Not only that, our friends may be at different life stages as well as also living in different cities.
This is the exact boat hubby and I found ourselves in. We'd been in Nelson for three years. Although we'd met a few people in our time here, we didn't have any close friends or family around. It was one of the reasons we signed up with the Parent Center - so we could start a support network. And I had heard that a coffee group typically started up from the antenatal class.
Sure enough just a week or two after our last antenatal class finished, a couple from our class hosted our first get-together. A year on us mums still meet up every second Tuesday, the dads have the occasional beer and we have get-togethers for all of us every now and then.
It was at these coffee groups that I found the missing piece to my life somewhat - women going through the same life change I was. Perhaps we aren't bosom buddies just yet, as they are still very new friendships, but I feel I have a very special bond with them all. And that was certainly apparent at our combined 1st birthday party held in early April. Things were kept simple with a cake. It was a real celebration of our 1st year of parenthood, acknowledging how far we and our babies have come in that first year.
On a deep level I do feel as though I have graduated in a sense. Mummyhood still comes with its challenges. But the chaos and uncertainty that filled the first year has greatly diminished. Hubby and I have our evenings back! We have made the psychological move from two to three. It is no longer a big deal shuffling life around our addition.The thing is parenthood isn't something that you can be greatly prepared for. Not on an emotional level anyway. Physically you can decorate the nursery to your heart's content, and apply for maternity leave or whatever it is you need to do to make some financial preparations. But no one can prepare you for the mental shifts, the highs and lows and the general overhaul most of us go through during this rite of passage known as the first year of parenthood.
All I heard in the wings were dire warnings right from the start. About sleep. Losing your life as you knew it forever. And how with each change within baby's first year, MORE ominous warnings were issued:
1. Before baby arrives “Your time won't be your own.”
2.Once baby arrives “It only gets better.”
3.Once baby gets mobile “It only gets worse.”
4. When baby is almost mobile “Bet you can't wait til she walks.”
5. When baby starts walking “You'll wish she never started.”
Not a lot of us want advice when we go into parenthood. Yet at the same time, we don't often want to go in completely flying blind. So we go to antenatal classes, read some books and observe others from the sidelines making our own conclusions as to what we might be in for.
I was pretty lucky in the advice department. I didn't get a lot thrown my way. The advice I got that proved to be invaluable was sleeping/resting when your baby does. It helped my sanity in those early days of motherhood. And I still apply it to this day!
And some personal gems I've discovered myself for the new parent:
1. You don't have to be perfect.
2. You ARE a great mum (or dad).
3. Love is the best thing you can give your baby.
4. Don't be swayed by marketers that insist you need this and that to make your baby sleep/roll/sit/stand/crawl/walk/poo/fart.
5. Crying It Out is NOT the only way to get a baby to sleep. Don't feel pressured to use this method if it makes you uncomfortable!
6.How you parent your baby is your business and your business alone.
7.Don't feel less than because your baby doesn't sleep through the night. Whatever age your baby is!!
Just as no one can prepare the new parent for how hard and tiring parenting can be; the flip side is no one can explain how amazing it is either. I wouldn't change my first year of mummyhood for the world.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter May/June 2006
These days we are able to choose when we want to start parenthood. Often we may have ventured quite a way from our hometown and so when we start our own family, we may find we aren't surrounded by our extended family. Not only that, our friends may be at different life stages as well as also living in different cities.
This is the exact boat hubby and I found ourselves in. We'd been in Nelson for three years. Although we'd met a few people in our time here, we didn't have any close friends or family around. It was one of the reasons we signed up with the Parent Center - so we could start a support network. And I had heard that a coffee group typically started up from the antenatal class.
Sure enough just a week or two after our last antenatal class finished, a couple from our class hosted our first get-together. A year on us mums still meet up every second Tuesday, the dads have the occasional beer and we have get-togethers for all of us every now and then.
It was at these coffee groups that I found the missing piece to my life somewhat - women going through the same life change I was. Perhaps we aren't bosom buddies just yet, as they are still very new friendships, but I feel I have a very special bond with them all. And that was certainly apparent at our combined 1st birthday party held in early April. Things were kept simple with a cake. It was a real celebration of our 1st year of parenthood, acknowledging how far we and our babies have come in that first year.
On a deep level I do feel as though I have graduated in a sense. Mummyhood still comes with its challenges. But the chaos and uncertainty that filled the first year has greatly diminished. Hubby and I have our evenings back! We have made the psychological move from two to three. It is no longer a big deal shuffling life around our addition.The thing is parenthood isn't something that you can be greatly prepared for. Not on an emotional level anyway. Physically you can decorate the nursery to your heart's content, and apply for maternity leave or whatever it is you need to do to make some financial preparations. But no one can prepare you for the mental shifts, the highs and lows and the general overhaul most of us go through during this rite of passage known as the first year of parenthood.
All I heard in the wings were dire warnings right from the start. About sleep. Losing your life as you knew it forever. And how with each change within baby's first year, MORE ominous warnings were issued:
1. Before baby arrives “Your time won't be your own.”
2.Once baby arrives “It only gets better.”
3.Once baby gets mobile “It only gets worse.”
4. When baby is almost mobile “Bet you can't wait til she walks.”
5. When baby starts walking “You'll wish she never started.”
Not a lot of us want advice when we go into parenthood. Yet at the same time, we don't often want to go in completely flying blind. So we go to antenatal classes, read some books and observe others from the sidelines making our own conclusions as to what we might be in for.
I was pretty lucky in the advice department. I didn't get a lot thrown my way. The advice I got that proved to be invaluable was sleeping/resting when your baby does. It helped my sanity in those early days of motherhood. And I still apply it to this day!
And some personal gems I've discovered myself for the new parent:
1. You don't have to be perfect.
2. You ARE a great mum (or dad).
3. Love is the best thing you can give your baby.
4. Don't be swayed by marketers that insist you need this and that to make your baby sleep/roll/sit/stand/crawl/walk/poo/fart.
5. Crying It Out is NOT the only way to get a baby to sleep. Don't feel pressured to use this method if it makes you uncomfortable!
6.How you parent your baby is your business and your business alone.
7.Don't feel less than because your baby doesn't sleep through the night. Whatever age your baby is!!
Just as no one can prepare the new parent for how hard and tiring parenting can be; the flip side is no one can explain how amazing it is either. I wouldn't change my first year of mummyhood for the world.
Getting The Balance Right
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter March/April 2006
As a singleton in the work force, I used to recommend that coworkers not talk to me before 10am because I simply wasn't a morning person. After a sausage roll and a cup of tea loaded with sugar, I was normally able to string a few words together at morning tea time. However I learnt quite early in the piece that with motherhood there just isn't that guaranteed quiet cup of tea in the morning. So a walk first thing in the morning with Amelia in her buggy is the time where I get my personal space to revive and start the day fresh. I also spend a few quiet minutes journaling every night as a way of letting go of the day positively.
I divide my time in three ways - me time, us (husband and wife) time and our (the whole family) time. If one of these areas isn't given the attention it needs; the other areas will undoubtedly be affected.
Nurturing me time is essential to my sanity and my family's. Just ask my husband. If I don't get enough exercise, alone time or space to nurture my creativity - I'm a grump. I work two nights a week. Mingling with other staff reminds me that I am more than a mum. Even though most nights the other mums and I end up talking about kids. And child birth. Much to the horror of the only male occasionally rostered on night shift.
Us time is still a work-in-progress with hubby and I. We have family meals together, go for walks in the weekend and catch the occasional movie when Nana is in town. At eleven months Amelia isn't a threat to conversation but as she's on the brink of toddlerhood; that will change. Soon us time will need to be rethought.
Our time is simply spending time together as a family whether it be hanging out at home, at the park or at the beach.
We've just got back from a family trip to Sydney. Even within a holiday it was a matter of finding the right balance so that the whole family could have a good time. We managed to attend a wedding, hang out with extended family, catch up with friends as well as have some family time and us time. Every morning I went for a walk with Amelia so I got in my me time. Nana looked after Amelia while we were at the wedding and reception so hubby and I had our first evening out together in at least a year! It was like a date that we needed - nothing like a few eighties classics to dust off the dancing cobwebs.
Getting the balance right for us was a matter of prioritising our family values. The house and material possessions will always be out there. But the first few precious years of Amelia's life won't be. Sure I could have probably managed more hours in the workforce to get us to our financial goals a little faster but at what price? To miss out on this amazing first year that has unfolded before my eyes. It was a family decision that I work just casually in the first few years of Amelia's life. Even me working eight hours a week puts a bit of a strain on family life as it means hubby is looking after Amelia two nights a week on top of working fulltime and sometimes overtime. But it works for us. We just have enough time to smell the roses. And that's what's important to us.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter March/April 2006
As a singleton in the work force, I used to recommend that coworkers not talk to me before 10am because I simply wasn't a morning person. After a sausage roll and a cup of tea loaded with sugar, I was normally able to string a few words together at morning tea time. However I learnt quite early in the piece that with motherhood there just isn't that guaranteed quiet cup of tea in the morning. So a walk first thing in the morning with Amelia in her buggy is the time where I get my personal space to revive and start the day fresh. I also spend a few quiet minutes journaling every night as a way of letting go of the day positively.
I divide my time in three ways - me time, us (husband and wife) time and our (the whole family) time. If one of these areas isn't given the attention it needs; the other areas will undoubtedly be affected.
Nurturing me time is essential to my sanity and my family's. Just ask my husband. If I don't get enough exercise, alone time or space to nurture my creativity - I'm a grump. I work two nights a week. Mingling with other staff reminds me that I am more than a mum. Even though most nights the other mums and I end up talking about kids. And child birth. Much to the horror of the only male occasionally rostered on night shift.
Us time is still a work-in-progress with hubby and I. We have family meals together, go for walks in the weekend and catch the occasional movie when Nana is in town. At eleven months Amelia isn't a threat to conversation but as she's on the brink of toddlerhood; that will change. Soon us time will need to be rethought.
Our time is simply spending time together as a family whether it be hanging out at home, at the park or at the beach.
We've just got back from a family trip to Sydney. Even within a holiday it was a matter of finding the right balance so that the whole family could have a good time. We managed to attend a wedding, hang out with extended family, catch up with friends as well as have some family time and us time. Every morning I went for a walk with Amelia so I got in my me time. Nana looked after Amelia while we were at the wedding and reception so hubby and I had our first evening out together in at least a year! It was like a date that we needed - nothing like a few eighties classics to dust off the dancing cobwebs.
Getting the balance right for us was a matter of prioritising our family values. The house and material possessions will always be out there. But the first few precious years of Amelia's life won't be. Sure I could have probably managed more hours in the workforce to get us to our financial goals a little faster but at what price? To miss out on this amazing first year that has unfolded before my eyes. It was a family decision that I work just casually in the first few years of Amelia's life. Even me working eight hours a week puts a bit of a strain on family life as it means hubby is looking after Amelia two nights a week on top of working fulltime and sometimes overtime. But it works for us. We just have enough time to smell the roses. And that's what's important to us.
Out and About With Baby
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter January/February 2006
As Amelia was an Easter baby the two of us spent the first few months of her life quite happily indoors. Most Kiwi winters I've tolerated close to freezing temperatures inside. With a newborn on board, it was the perfect excuse to have the heater on permanently making home a cosy place to be. Even though our power bill soared this winter gone, I will fondly remember the Winter of 2005 as been a luxuriously warm one. It seemed there wasn't much point to venture much further than the letterbox some days. Breastfeeding frequently through the day, I entertained myself watching Dr Phil and Oprah and reading mags and books and napping on the couch. So really, why would I want to go anywhere else? There was something quite delicious about snuggling indoors with my new baby girl.
But then the day came when I of course had to venture beyond the comfort of our family nest. Coffee group was a great incentive to get out of the house. In fact I remember going to coffee group with Amelia when she was just 10 days old. Our first real outing, I was just a little overwhelmed at the prep required for what seemed to be a relatively small outing in the grand scheme of things. Buggy, change of clothes, nappies, car seat. Man oh man. And then we stayed in town for several hours so to the “parent room” I went for the first time to feed my ravenous daughter. New to breastfeeding and to handling a newborn outside the privacy of my own home, I left the house very much with my training wheels on.
Nine months down the track, taking Amelia out hasn't changed a lot except for me being slightly more relaxed. But don't let me fool you. I still have my days. Not so long ago while coordinating taking Amelia out of the car and putting her into her buggy, I didn't use the brakes on her buggy. A gust of wind had it hurtling through a car park, thankfully without her in it. But an elderly couple panicked and raced after the empty buggy, their brows creased with worry. Even though Amelia wasn't in the buggy I still felt somewhat silly that I'd unwittingly inspired a couple of old timers to run in the hope of saving the day, only to come back with an empty buggy with me holding Amelia sheepishly in my arms.
Add sleep deprivation to the picture and I am destined to be juggling somewhat with the general coordination of baby gear, among other things. One time I met a friend for a coffee and couldn't find my car keys anywhere to lock the car. So I had my cup of tea nearby while watching my unlocked car like a hawk. When I returned to my car I found the keys dangling in the boot. Oh dear. A common term for behaviour such is this is “nappy brain”. I'm so glad now that I'm a mum I have an excuse for my blonde moments, as such!
In recent months Amelia and I have been a little more adventurous in our mother-baby outings. During the average week we might go to Playgroup in Tahuna, to our antenatal class coffee group, to a music group, to the park to go on the swing and/or to the beach for a play in the sand or go on a play date.
Some days we just play outside in our garden in the shade under a sun umbrella. I grab a few toys from inside and put them on a picnic blanket for her to play with. For Amelia The Great Outdoors is simply the world outside our house. Our tiny garden is a constant source of wonderment from bumble bees buzzing to a plastic pink flower that whirls happily in the wind to Warren The Cat who stalks the garden like the lion he thinks he is. But typically Warren is the most exciting toy of all as Amelia spends a large part of her day crawling after him. He in turn spends a large part of his day inching away from her grasping fingers.
Examining a blade of grass captivates Amelia, as do the leaves on the trees. Daily rituals like walks to the letterbox in the mornings to get the mail and in the afternoons to get the paper are a simple pleasure. Amelia willingly helps carry any mail back. I call out “Warren” and he trots down the driveway after us, typically collapsing about halfway down for a roll in the gravel and ever so hopeful that he might get a bit of a pat.
These days Amelia enjoys watching the world go by from the comfort of her buggy. The other day we went for a walk on Tahuna Beach. A windy day, Amelia enjoyed watching the kite surfers, the rough surf and the general going-ons on the beach. Patting a couple of dogs was her highlight and she let out a delighted squeal when one dog licked her on the leg.
Recently Amelia's experience of the world broadened further when I took her up to Auckland to visit family and friends. I got to experience flying with a “dream baby” on the way up - non-crying, non-fussy etc. And on the way back the reverse. Passengers were swiveling their heads to get a glimpse of my little fusspot. It was the longest hour and a half, sitting in a space no bigger than a toilet pew with a baby that had ants in her pants.
This Christmas our whole family including Warren headed to Ruby Bay for just over a week to stay with extended family. We loaded the car up with the usual baby paraphernalia including a paddling pool. There was no need to go far as for Amelia a few days on a one acre property located next to the sea is a bit like going to a national park.
A couple of visits to Natureland have provided Amelia with cheap thrills as such and in turn, have delighted us, her parents. So although I don't envision us tramping the Grand Canyon with Amelia in the near future, I can see that her unbridled enthusiasm with the great outdoors as she gets to knows it, will continue to inspire our family unit to step outside and explore our natural world. After all, watching your baby daughter squinting upwards to get a glimpse of a passing plane as the wind gently combs through her hair while happily kicking her feet in the sand is as intoxicating and gratifying as it gets.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter January/February 2006
As Amelia was an Easter baby the two of us spent the first few months of her life quite happily indoors. Most Kiwi winters I've tolerated close to freezing temperatures inside. With a newborn on board, it was the perfect excuse to have the heater on permanently making home a cosy place to be. Even though our power bill soared this winter gone, I will fondly remember the Winter of 2005 as been a luxuriously warm one. It seemed there wasn't much point to venture much further than the letterbox some days. Breastfeeding frequently through the day, I entertained myself watching Dr Phil and Oprah and reading mags and books and napping on the couch. So really, why would I want to go anywhere else? There was something quite delicious about snuggling indoors with my new baby girl.
But then the day came when I of course had to venture beyond the comfort of our family nest. Coffee group was a great incentive to get out of the house. In fact I remember going to coffee group with Amelia when she was just 10 days old. Our first real outing, I was just a little overwhelmed at the prep required for what seemed to be a relatively small outing in the grand scheme of things. Buggy, change of clothes, nappies, car seat. Man oh man. And then we stayed in town for several hours so to the “parent room” I went for the first time to feed my ravenous daughter. New to breastfeeding and to handling a newborn outside the privacy of my own home, I left the house very much with my training wheels on.
Nine months down the track, taking Amelia out hasn't changed a lot except for me being slightly more relaxed. But don't let me fool you. I still have my days. Not so long ago while coordinating taking Amelia out of the car and putting her into her buggy, I didn't use the brakes on her buggy. A gust of wind had it hurtling through a car park, thankfully without her in it. But an elderly couple panicked and raced after the empty buggy, their brows creased with worry. Even though Amelia wasn't in the buggy I still felt somewhat silly that I'd unwittingly inspired a couple of old timers to run in the hope of saving the day, only to come back with an empty buggy with me holding Amelia sheepishly in my arms.
Add sleep deprivation to the picture and I am destined to be juggling somewhat with the general coordination of baby gear, among other things. One time I met a friend for a coffee and couldn't find my car keys anywhere to lock the car. So I had my cup of tea nearby while watching my unlocked car like a hawk. When I returned to my car I found the keys dangling in the boot. Oh dear. A common term for behaviour such is this is “nappy brain”. I'm so glad now that I'm a mum I have an excuse for my blonde moments, as such!
In recent months Amelia and I have been a little more adventurous in our mother-baby outings. During the average week we might go to Playgroup in Tahuna, to our antenatal class coffee group, to a music group, to the park to go on the swing and/or to the beach for a play in the sand or go on a play date.
Some days we just play outside in our garden in the shade under a sun umbrella. I grab a few toys from inside and put them on a picnic blanket for her to play with. For Amelia The Great Outdoors is simply the world outside our house. Our tiny garden is a constant source of wonderment from bumble bees buzzing to a plastic pink flower that whirls happily in the wind to Warren The Cat who stalks the garden like the lion he thinks he is. But typically Warren is the most exciting toy of all as Amelia spends a large part of her day crawling after him. He in turn spends a large part of his day inching away from her grasping fingers.
Examining a blade of grass captivates Amelia, as do the leaves on the trees. Daily rituals like walks to the letterbox in the mornings to get the mail and in the afternoons to get the paper are a simple pleasure. Amelia willingly helps carry any mail back. I call out “Warren” and he trots down the driveway after us, typically collapsing about halfway down for a roll in the gravel and ever so hopeful that he might get a bit of a pat.
These days Amelia enjoys watching the world go by from the comfort of her buggy. The other day we went for a walk on Tahuna Beach. A windy day, Amelia enjoyed watching the kite surfers, the rough surf and the general going-ons on the beach. Patting a couple of dogs was her highlight and she let out a delighted squeal when one dog licked her on the leg.
Recently Amelia's experience of the world broadened further when I took her up to Auckland to visit family and friends. I got to experience flying with a “dream baby” on the way up - non-crying, non-fussy etc. And on the way back the reverse. Passengers were swiveling their heads to get a glimpse of my little fusspot. It was the longest hour and a half, sitting in a space no bigger than a toilet pew with a baby that had ants in her pants.
This Christmas our whole family including Warren headed to Ruby Bay for just over a week to stay with extended family. We loaded the car up with the usual baby paraphernalia including a paddling pool. There was no need to go far as for Amelia a few days on a one acre property located next to the sea is a bit like going to a national park.
A couple of visits to Natureland have provided Amelia with cheap thrills as such and in turn, have delighted us, her parents. So although I don't envision us tramping the Grand Canyon with Amelia in the near future, I can see that her unbridled enthusiasm with the great outdoors as she gets to knows it, will continue to inspire our family unit to step outside and explore our natural world. After all, watching your baby daughter squinting upwards to get a glimpse of a passing plane as the wind gently combs through her hair while happily kicking her feet in the sand is as intoxicating and gratifying as it gets.
And Baby Makes Three
"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter November/December 2005
As a singleton-gypsy, I prided myself in being able to fit my worldly belongings into a backpack and a suitcase.
And then I bought my first ever couch five years ago. For this materially-challenged individual it was a big deal. And things spiraled downwards from there. Within five years I bought more furniture, adopted a cat, married and had a baby.
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter November/December 2005
As a singleton-gypsy, I prided myself in being able to fit my worldly belongings into a backpack and a suitcase.
And then I bought my first ever couch five years ago. For this materially-challenged individual it was a big deal. And things spiraled downwards from there. Within five years I bought more furniture, adopted a cat, married and had a baby.
Before kids I thought even as a trained nanny that I understood what it was like to be first-time parents. In hindsight I was completely clueless about the dramatic transformation of becoming a family. Most made it look so easy that I was quite flabbergasted at what a huge life change having a baby really is.
Hubby and I were never great partiers yet we’ve cut down on our brunches, DVD and movie-watching, junk food consumption, general hanging out time and reckless spending. As time passes, our former life is slowly seeping back in a revised form. And now that I am back on a casual basis in the work force again, I have realigned my former child-free self with motherhood. And I have changed. Life has slowed down enough to finally stop and smell the roses. Nowadays my weekly highlight is coffeeing once a week somewhere and treating myself to a muffin or a piece of carrot cake. Life is so much more simple yet so much richer.
Every now and then I have these moments when it dawns on me that I am a mum at home living in the burbs and how much I love that! Once a world traveller, now in the last seven months I haven’t travelled further than the distance between Tahuna and Ruby Bay. Once hip and trendy, now I try to avoid the temptation of clothes shopping. Amelia’s wardrobe is better than mine! Once I was the nurturer within my friendships often instigating emails and phone calls. Now my nurturi
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