The value of coffee groups

"New Mum On The Block "
Nelson District Parent Centre Newsletter January/February 2008

One of the main reasons I chose to do antenatal classes at the Parent Centre is because I had heard that coffee groups usually formed as a result of the classes. I'd also heard that coffee groups were a positive form of support for new Mums.

Sure enough, as our antenatal classes came to an end, our names and numbers were circulated by the coordinator. Most of our coffee group carried on to do the Mums and Bubs and Moving and Munching classes and we acquired a couple of extras from the latter class too. I became the group coordinator at this point in time for our coffee group.

We started off by meeting up weekly either at a cafe or at someone's house. In the early days most of us made it to the group and I know I valued the regularity of such a group. In fact, in the first six months of my daughters life, it was the only group we went to. It was an excellent initiation into the strange and exciting new world of socialising as a Mum.

Most of our coffee group members are from out of Nelson and many initially wanted to make new friends in the same boat. Tears, laughter and many exchanges about parenting newborns and then babies, toddlers and now preschoolers have been made over the months. It was great in the beginning just to have a place to hang with other Mums who I could check in with on a regular basis.

When Amelia was six months I recognised that both she and I needed to expand our social circle and we started going to Playgroup and music classes. Over time our coffee group meeting times dwindled – from once a week, to every two weeks, to once a month, once every two months and now very sporadically – whenever someone gets around to organising a get-together. Second babies, mums going back to work, childcare and other activities the kids were attending affected the regularity of our meeting times.

It is a weird dynamic in a way being thrown together with a group of women who have nothing in common but babies who were born around the same time. Although I am fond of our coffee group and the beginning days hold a special place in my heart, I think eventually we outgrew one another and the need to meet up frequently. Our coffee group has paired off and so most of us found at least a friend from the group.

My husband and I started doing babysitting swaps with another family from our coffee group which has worked out really well. We've been looking after each others children, in a playdate situation for almost eighteen months. Neither of us have family in town and so the exchange has always been valued. It has been great watching our children's playdates evolve into friendship and we've acquired genuine friendships ourselves.

I think coffee groups are an excellent starting point for new Mums. And Dads – it gives them support too when groups meet up with the whole family or maybe Dads go out for a drink together. I've heard stories of coffee groups becoming close and meeting up for years down the track. I'm not sure our group is one of those but we have thus far got together to celebrate the first and second birthdays of our kids - and next year we will hopefully celebrate our preschoolers third birthdays together.